FALLING DEEP [Kiara]

[jessie]

Trent abruptly left the music wing, irritated as usual. The heroine did that, always made him slightly moody and on edge. He was never in a peaceful frame of mind. The wing was completely inhabited with students, all of a different variety, trying to perfect their talent. He could hardly find a place to sit, so playing was not much of a option at the moment.

Trent hardly played the guitar anymore though. At one time in his life it was second nature. He picked up his second string guitar almost every day, and just played. Not for money, not for someone in particular, not even for bragging rights. He played for himself. He never saw the child prodigy he was when you placed a guitar in his hands and it didn't even seem to matter to him anymore. Times had changed, he had changed, and nothing was the same.

He let himself escape the academy, letting the heat of the day engulf him. Class was not important to him today. It was a very rare occasion that Trent even showed up to school. His grades, his future, were irrelevant to him. As far as he was concerned, he had no future. He was lucky if he lived through thirty at the rate he was going. Even now, he was going to pick up some clean needles so he could get high. That was about as productive as Trent got these days. He was worthless and he knew it. He will never amount to anything beyond the shitty four walls that imprisoned him now and he knew it. So school, was pointless. Wasting precious time when he could be getting high and erasing his memories was important to him. To erase the pain, that was what was important. His stepfather still had the notion he attended school, which was a mockery. His stepfather would slit his throat if he knew who he stepson really was. Trent lived a lie.

Trent continued down the jagged streets, making his way with ease to the co-ed dorms. He enjoyed wondering aimlessly through the streets of South Dakota with no particular place in mind to arrive. The street really held no competition to New York. New York was more alive, the city never slept- like him. But South Dakota had a sense of serenity and peace. That was something you could never find in New York. But in New York laid his past. That is where his father sat in jail, awaiting death row. That was where he endured fourteen years of agony. That was what made Trent who he was today. That was the memory's he would never erase.

Trent let out a deep sigh and shook his head. The memory's were surfacing and as he looked down at his hands, they were beginning to tremble. His pace quickened as he finally arrived at the co-ed dorms. The task of getting the needles would hopefully be effortless, but there was one person that possibly stood in his way- Kiara. He knew the dorm he going to was the one Kiara often spent time in. He supposed a good friend of hers lived there. She was never in short supply of friends. Of course, however, one of Trent's right hand men lived there. Kiara was the one girl that he so desperately wanted to hate, but no matter how much energy he tried to put into hating her he couldn't, because he would always love her. He was bitter though, full of animosity and he was hurting. He would never admit that. Let her have the satisfaction that she was actually getting to him but she was. He had attempted to sober up for her in the past, and for awhile he succeeded. For a month, he thought he might be able to defeat his demons. He had done it for her, tried for her desperately. No one else had that effect on him, made him want to sober up, but she was different. He would never understand why he loved her so much, but he did and it never stopped. Never vanished. Except he fell back into his bad habits, and she knew, and she wanted no part of him.

He took one deep breath as he approached the door. He knew it was open, but his hand stayed frozen on the doorknob for a brief moment. A fear that he would open the door and she would be standing inside. He preyed and as he slowly let the door creep open, his stomach dropped at what stood in front of him. His fear was confirmed. There standing only inches from him, was Kiara. He clenched his fists, his blood pressure rising. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want to speak to her. He wanted absolutely no part of her. Lovely he muttered under his breath. If she knew, if she actually knew the reason he was here was to supply himself with needles to get high. Half the reason he got high was to forget her and now, he had no reason to stop. No reason at all.

[ruby]

FOR YOU I WOULD HAVE DONE WHATEVER

[/font]
and no i can't believe we're not together[/font][/center]

Kiara took a deep breath and slowly let it go, trying to calm herself down. She can do this. She was Kiara-Lyne Mackenzie, daughter of Isobella Claire Mackenzie, world famous actress. Well of course, Kiara never really knew her mother. Not well anyway. She had passed away when she was at the mere age of ten, but she would never ever forget her mother because she had taught Kiara many important life lessons. The first one was to always forgive and forget. The second was that as long as she put her mind to it, she could do anything. The first one was not so easy. She was a bitch. Bitches don't forgive and never ever forgets. The second one though, it was easy. She was going down the same road as her mother, and she knew she had gotten her acting genes. As long as she concentrated, acting just came to her easily. She could play any role the director asked her to. She could memorize any amount of lines they gave her. Just like that.

But this time... she couldn't do it. She couldn't play this part. It was too similar. It was like the script was based on her whole freakin' life. Whoever wrote the damn script must've been some stalker. Every single detail was just like her own life. From having two older brothers and one younger that had narcolepsy, to her mother dying when she was ten, to her changing her boyfriend from a druggie into sober guy, to him going back into drugs. Every single detail of that play was like her life. No. It was her life. And the director wanted her to play the main character. Easy, right? She didn't have to act like anybody else and just be her on stage. It should come to her easily. But it wasn't easy. Not at all. She couldn't possibly relive her whole life in a freakin' two hour play. And of course, leave it to the scriptwriter to have the main character end with a happily ever after. And guess who she ends up with? The ex-boyfriend. Yeah, you heard it right. The ex boyfriend. It's the druggie. Except, of course, they had the guy quit for his girlfriend once more.

Too bad it doesn't happen in real life. Of course not. Real life doesn't end in two hours. Well, it could, but come on, the tragic stuff is fictional too. Real life doesn't have people write down your lines. Real life doesn't have directors patrolling you. Real life doesn't have scriptwriters dictate your life. Kiara stared at the script in her hands, then proceeded to look up at director, who seemed to be yelling at her. Not that she was even listening to a word he was saying. She looked down at the small booklet in her hands once more. Could she do it? Of course she could, if she just put her mind to it. Did she want to do it? No, definitely not. She'd rather eat a double quarter pounder meal, supersized, from McDonalds. Crazy, yes, but she'd rather eat fatty foods that will clog up her cholesterols than have to relive every single moment of her life. Fastfowarded or not.

"Kiara! What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Michaelson, but I don't think I can take on this part." And with that, she got off the stage, handed her script back to him, and walked out of class. Where the hell she was going? Well, there was only one place that she was often at- other than her own dorm of course. Well, there were a lot of places she would be at. Most of the time, she'd be on stage with rehearsals or she'd be on the field, practicing or playing a game, or she'd be at Cory's, Scar's, Hannah's or visiting her little brother. But she did often hang out at this one specific dorm. Why? Was it to try to get a glimpse of Trent? Was it because her cousin was there? Or did her own two feet just made its way over to this dorm? She didn't know. All she knew was that she was often here, whether to confide in her cousin, or just to get a glimpse of her ex boyfriend.

Why did she even want him back? Why did she still love him? How come, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't move on to someone else? He had lied to her. Well, no, he hadn't lied. Betrayed would've been a better word. He had been doing so well. She was so proud of him. She had never been happier when he had gone to get help. And he was making so much progress. And then a month later, she stumbles upon his room, only to find that he was shooting up. She was supposed to be angry. She was supposed to hate him and forget him. She was supposed to stop loving him. She was supposed to do so many things, and yet she still loved him, no matter how much she hated the druggie Trent. Why? Why did she love him? It was easy. It was because he meant so much to her. He was the first person in the world to see her. Not through her, not as her mother, not just some other girl who acts, not just one of those jockettes, not even a bitch. He was the first person to see her for her. He could make her smile like no one else can.

God, he was such an amazing guy. Beyond the guy that took drugs, drank alcohol, there was a guy with a heart. A guy who was absolutely amazing at playing the guitars. A guy who could make someone feel so special. A guy that could be every girls' dream come true if he wasn't shooting up all the time. If stayed sober, he could do so much, be someone. And even if he was a nobody, she didn't care. She loved him. She loved him and nothing else should've mattered to her, but it did. The drugs and the drinking bothered her so much. Why? Because she didn't want to see the man she loved so much die before twenty. She didn't want to see him die. He couldn't. She wanted him to be there. Physically be there for her. Forever and always. Was that so much to ask for?

Kiara shook her head as she sat in the very familiar dorm room, chatting about anything and everything that happened to come up. She stood up after about half an hour, ready to leave. Just when she reached for the door knob, it swung open. And there stood the person she loved so desperately. Her walls sprung up, giving him a cold, dead stare. She was not going to let him see how much he had hurt her. She was not going to let herself cry in front of him. She heard him mutter the world "lovely" in a very sarcastic manner. Her heart squeezed in pain, but she kept her poker face. "Well, good to see you too." She retorted, rolling her eyes at him. She could do this. All she had to do was take a deep breath, exhale, and walk past him. Easy enough. But her feet stayed glued on the floor, not even barging a centimeter.

( TAGS ) -- trent michael thompson
( WORDS ) -- one two four two
( COMMENTS ) --
( CREDITS ) -- caution and me
( LYRICS ) -- baby by justin bieber XD

[jessie]

People had pre-conceived notions about Trent, a multitude of them. However, the vast majority were nothing more than false pretenses. People thought that he had no heart and that he had no emotions, no feelings. Trent had a heart the size of a Great Dane. He cared so deeply for so many people. There was Hiroko, who brought out his definite revolting side, and easily made him look heartless. But with Hiroko there was a whole different set of circumstances.

Trent was sensitive. That was a subject some would laugh at but even people who took the time to think about it, they would see it clearly. If he is trying to erase what his father use to force him to do in that shed, if he cared so deeply for Kiara that he had to shoot heroine to forget- that made him a sensitive soul. Trent never wanted to see people suffer like him. He would give the shirt off his back for anyone… aside from anyone in the shapely form of Hiroko that is. Trent’s emotions were off the charts. His emotions were dark, they were deep, and they were complex. They were what sent him spiraling downward into the heroin addict and alcoholic that he was today. His emotions were something that he could not control. He sometimes could easily keep them bottled up in a jar and sealed tight. Then there were times where they defeated him and they escaped. Times when he couldn’t control his animosity and anger, times where h e regretted being born, times where he wish he could just be lying dead in a ditch and be completely forgotten, times when he wondered why the fuck he was even here, times when he knew he had no purpose in life, times when he just wished that he could have stayed sober.

Trent had so desperately tried to stay sober. Every fiber in his being wanted to not grab that needle. His heart said no. The heart that was captured and sat with Kiara, but his head said to do it. His head said that he needed to just forget. Even if it was for an hour or so, it would help. He began to shake, god how he hated those damn cold sweats and trembling hands. His head told him that could all vanish with one needle. One needle his head told him. One needle would do no harm and no one would know. He fought to not grab that needle and the second he let it puncture his vein he knew he made a mistake. Even as his entire body began to relax, and the feeling he so was craving emerged, he still knew he made a mistake because he knew he could not stop at one.

Then Kiara entered through the door. He remembered his stomach dropping and his mouth going completely dry. He was at a loss of words. He could deny nothing, he was sitting in that chair with a needle inserted in his vein. That was all the proof in the pudding she needed right there. He was ashamed and embarrassed. He knew at that moment he had lost her. What hurt more than being caught was the look on her face. He knew he had hurt her and that hurt him more than anything else. Not much compares to the feeling of when you have hurt someone who you love so deeply, nothing comes much worse. They were so happy too; nothing made him happier then being with her but as always he had to fuck that up. He had to fuck it up like he had fucked up everything else in his life. His pathetic life, if you could call it a life at all. He would never though, forget that face.

Trent was not supposed to fall for someone. Trent usually fucked everything walking and he knew it. Sex one was thing that made him feel good and was free. Some would argue that he was a sex addict among many other things that obtained the word ‘addict’ but he had not slept with anyone since Kiara. Trent was surprised he was not a walking STD. It was true though, you can’t control who your heart falls for. You can try so hard to hate the person you love because you so desperately want to hate them, because hating them would be so much easier to get past the pain. Trent fell for Kiara fast and unexpectedly. He tried to ignore it at first in sheer denial. Denial that it was not possible to love a girl, that it was not possible to have feelings for someone, that Kiara was just another girl BUT Kiara was not just another girl. She was the girl that he knew he was supposed to be with. The girl he wanted to be with, but he blew that. He blew any chance of being with her again and it was something that he would have to live with for the rest of his life, however long his life happened to be. He had to live with the fact that he would never be able to hold her, kiss her, or even laugh with her again. There was so much he missed.

The thing that put Kiara aside from the few other close people in his life, Kiara didn’t see Trent as just a druggie. She saw through all the drugs and bullshit. She knew he had a heart, a big one. She didn’t see him as a monster or a terrible person. He knew he sure as hell was no role model either, Trent embodied everything not to become in life. He was an exact portrait of what someone who had no future was. Trent wasn’t strong enough to beat his father and his past. A strong person would not have had to turn to drugs to cope, but Trent did. He was weak in some aspects and he knew it. You either rise from the ashes or fall, and he had fallen.

He looked up at Kiara now, his insides ached but he let his outer shell remain hard. What Trent was best at was throwing up barriers between him and others, at being that reserved person who wouldn’t let anyone too close. Part of him actually almost hoped he would see Kiara because he missed everything about her, faults and all. But now, seeing her, and feeling the pain growing, he knew it would have been better if he didn’t. He looked down once more at his trembling hands. He would not be able to get the needles now; he didn’t want to hurt Kiara by coming to find out why he was really here. She was no idiot though; she knew Trent was in drugs deeper now than probably any other stage of his life. Still, he didn’t need to upset her. Part of him was still angry though, and he let that part come through. It was his defense mechanism. He looked at her now/ stone cold, as she made a snarky comment and rolled her eyes. She had reason to hate him, he had let her down. “Yeah, great seeing you here too, just what I needed today.” he said flatly. It was terrible timing, he had to admit that as he felt his palms beginning to sweat. She knew him way to well and she would have been able to spot instantly when he was going through withdraws. He quickly pulled his hands into his pockets, keeping them out of plain site. For awhile he stood there and let the silence linger. Every second it killed him a little more. “I probably should just go… I can see Larry tomorrow.” But then there was a strong part of him that didn’t want to leave.

[ruby]

FOR YOU I WOULD HAVE DONE WHATEVER

[/font]
and no i can't believe we're not together[/font][/center]

Kiara stood there, willing her feet to lift up and take a step forward. Prayed that the other foot would do the same thing after that. She could hear her mind desperately urging her feet to move, but it stayed frozen. As if a block of ice had trapped it onto the ground. Between her stone-cold stare and her panicking thoughts, she felt like she was being physically hurt. Her heart beat frantically against her chest, and her jaw was clenched. She wrapped an arm around her stomach, as if someone had just punched her. She felt sick. The sight of Trent now, jeez, it was bringing back too many memories. Too fast, and she tried to block them out, tried to tune them out, but it was too late. Her mind pulled up her first favourite memory of him.

He was in Spence's dorm with her in his arms. They weren't together, no. He had promised all of them that he was going to get help tomorrow, and she had wanted to be there for him because, well, one, he was her very best friend. Despite what people thought of him, she knew it wasn't true. She wasn't the kind of girl that judged people through rumours. She didn't judge until she got to know them firsthanded. And you know what? She liked what she saw. Not physical sense wise, although he was very good looking, but personality wise. Despite the fact that he was never sober, he still had a heart. So rumour number one about him being heartless? False. Two, Kiara had been falling for him fast and hard. She cared about him very much, and she knew he needed someone to be there for him no matter what. But she had felt bad for falling asleep on him. Guilty and shameful. But because he was such a sweet guy, he said he didn't mind.

The second memory was the one she hated the most. The one she will never ever, in her entire life, forget. She was quite cheerful that day, excited to surprise Trent. So there she was, practically skipping down the hallway with this goofy grin plastered on her face. She had swung open the door, ready to yell out "Surprise!" But the joke was on her because as soon as she opened the door, the man she loved was sitting there with a needle up his vein. She didn't know what she felt first. Hurt, betrayed, shocked, anger, or pain. All she knew was that as soon as she saw him with that needle up his arm, she was speechless. Her heart felt like it was exploding into a million pieces. She was frozen like a statue, and she had no idea what to do.

She shook the memory out of her head. She swallowed the tears down. No, she wasn't going to cry. She couldn't. At least not in front of Trent. She stared at him with that blank stare she had perfected. They could both play at that stupid put up my walls game. She studied him, knowing his hands were trembling. Knowing that he was dying to get her out of this room so he could get high again. Her heart squeezed in pain. Was it possible to have your heart break even though it's already in a million pieces? Was it even possible to still love that one person even though you didn't have a heart anymore- according to the rest of the student body? She was the resident bitch now. She was cold, she didn't care, she didn't so much as smile. Everybody in the school knew her. First she was just " the daughter of the famous actress Isobella" then she was "Nathan's sister" or "Blake's sister" then she was "that damn cheerful chick" and then that moved onto "the girl who dated the druggie Trent Thompson". And now? Now she was "the bitch". Did she care? No, not at all. People can say whatever they wanted to.

Despite what everybody said about her. She still cared about people. Secretly, of course. She cared about her friends. She cared about her brothers- especially the little one. And she most definitely cared about Trent. Why? She didn't know why. She just did. It wasn't her fault if she still loved the damn guy. Call her stupid. Call her a moron. Or whatever. But you can't help who you fall for, kays? She couldn't help but look at his lips, thinking she'll never ever get one of his kisses again. Can't look at him without thinking that she would never be in his arms again. Can't look at him without thinking if he still loved her. Can't look at him without knowing that he was shooting up to forget. Whether he was forgetting about her or just his past, she would never know. But she longed to run up to him and throw her arms around him.

But she couldn't do that. He hated her guts, and she was supposed to hate his. "Exactly my thoughts." She willed her bitchy side shut the hell up, but she was so used to being a bitch, the words just flew out of her mouth. When he said he she go, her heart shouted "No! Don't leave! Please?" and her brain, otherwise known as her common sense said, "Let the stupid druggie go. You can do so much better." Could she? Could she really? No, of course not. Why would anyone want her? She was just this bitch who cared only about herself. No one could ever replace Trent in her heart. She bit her lower lip, then when she realized she was doing it out of habit again, she quickly let it go. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, feeling her heart calm just a little bit. "Wait. Before you go... c-can we talk?" Her voice sounded pathetic, and she knew her eyes was making pleading glances. 'Stupid freakin' heart. This is a mistake. I should be walking away. I should be out there running or something. Or shove a blade against my thigh. Or whatever. I should be doing anything but this.' She thought to herself as she just stood there, wondering if he'd take the offer of talking.


( TAGS ) -- trent michael thompson
( WORDS ) -- one oh five one
( COMMENTS ) -- i love trent and kiara. they're just so dramaticful
( CREDITS ) -- caution and me
( LYRICS ) -- baby by justin bieber XD

[jessie]

There was words that Riley had spoken that were all but too true. The word selfish still rung in his head over and over repetitively like a broken record. Trent was selfish, in every way shape and form. He was selfish because he never consider how anyone else was effected in his drug problem. He never thought when he picked up the needle how it may be hurting all the other people that surrounded him. He had Kiara, who he had clearly hurt and now he had lost. He had Megan who he was hurting because she was stubborn to a fault and believed she should look up to her big brother. Those were the worst possible words that he could have single handedly heard come out of her mouth. To know that his sister aspired to fallow in his footsteps. He was the last person who should be a role model to anyone. He was the person that you should aspire in every way not to become. Then there was Riley, and for some pathetic reason he thought she had just come to terms with his addictions. He had not realized he was hurting her too. She wouldn't believe him if he told her, but it was killing him inside. Slowly killing him. His demon was slowly killing everything good he had left in his life.

Kiara deserved better then Trent. Anyone deserved better then Trent. She needed someone who she could rely on and could trust. Trent was neither of those in any shape or form. He had no idea how she could possibly have fallen for him. He was a atrocious mess and everything that you should never come near with a ten foot pole. They had fallen for each other, and they had fallen fast. Every part of him missed those moments when they were just in bliss and happy. When everything was exactly how it was supposed to be and if they needed to confide in each other, they were there. Even if Trent never did much confiding himself. Now, because of his poor decision making they would never be able to go back to that place again. He sometimes craved that place more then the high from a needle. Being with Kiara made him more at ease then any drug which is why for a long period of time he was able to withstand the drugs... but it didn't last. Nothing ever did.

Trent had a difficult time making eye contact with her. Right now he had his defenses up because he could not let hre catch a glimpse that he was really hurting at this very moment. His hands trembled in his pockets and he could tell that Kiara already knew he desperately was thinking about getting high right now... when wasn't he though? Since Kiara had abruptly found him shooting up, he had been spiraling down a dark path at a alarming fast rate. He knew it would be nearly impossible to hide the first signs of withdraw from her because she had saw him when he was desperately trying to get sober, and she knew exactly what those signs looked like. She was all to familiar of it. He let out a soft sigh.

They knew each other all to well. Every minor facial expression, body language, and tone of voice they could read like a book. He watched as she bit her lower lip, a habit of hers, and he knew she was uncomfortable and slightly nervous. She had a damn good reason to be, the last time they had seen each other it was not pleasant by any means. She could probably tell that he was hurting too even though he was putting every muscle in his being to disguise it. How could he not hurt? The only girl he had ever loved, will always love, was standing in front of him and he was the reason she was clearly in emotional pain. Probably the last time they had seen each other playing in her mind. It killed Trent now to think back to that moment, it killed him everyday because it haunted him. He managed to block most of the memory's they really shared, the pleasant at least. That would really break him down. He needed to be strong now, mostly for her. He was angry inside, but not with her. He wanted to be angry with her but he was really angry with himself. He had fucked everything up and now he would have to live with his mistake for the rest of his life. He would have to live with a plethora of mistakes, but this ranked high on his list.

He knew he would probably never love again. He was sure no one could love someone in the form of him. If he did come to love again, if would never be the same. It would never be Kiara. Trent always figured love was not in the cards for him. What happened with Kiara was unexpected, but probably one of the best unexpected discovery's in his life because she made him feel alive. She made him feel like he might actually become something. She made him feel like he was more than a washed up druggie. There was Riley and Megan, yes, but they went without saying. He had to remember that he still had them, and they were really what was keeping him alive and breathing right now. He knew that it would kill them inside if he really let himself go. He knew it would kill Kiara just as much though. If Trent wanted to die, he could do it easily with a simple overdose, but something always stopped him. Riley, Megan's, and Kiara's faces always surfaced in his mind and he never could bring himself to do it. He always retreated.

Trent rolled his eyes at her bitchy little side comment. "Yeah, okay." he said flatly. Between her and damn Hiroko he was to used to it. He hated when she was bitchy, it annoyed the fuck out of him sometimes on the same level as Hiroko's snarky comments. Well... that may be going to far. He knew that Kiara was more than just some 'bitch.' He knew exactly what her personality really was because it was what made him fall so deeply in love with her, and to be honest, that love had not grown any less dim. He listened now as she asked to talk, a slight quiver in his voice. He wished he could know what she was thinking, if she really loathed him or if it was a good act. She was, after all, a actor in the making. He could tell she was fighting back tears and he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest. He hated seeing her cry. Well he hated seeing anyone cry for that matter, but it never hurt any less. He could read behind her glazed over eyes that there was pain and it was making his body grow weaker by the moment. He felt a sense of relief that she wanted to talk, he had been wanting to talk about that past night for some time now but could never bring himself to see her for this exact reason, he would have to face what he created sand destroyed. He had hurt a lot of people he loved. She deserved to talk and he would never deny her that. "No we can talk for sure..." he said softly, his voice trailing off. Part of him wanted to hide in a dark room but he knew that they needed to do this, he just also knew it would not be easy for either one of them.

Tag: Kiara-Lyne MacKenzie
Notes: I know right!? SO much drama it is not even funny <3 I love it. xD
Credit: Me! =D