-SABINA- I Ain't Perfect

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Vesper couldn’t help but feel a smile tugging at his lips at her chuckle and pout combo. He hated being the party pooper, but he really did care about her. She was his first and foremost concern at the moment and would have been, even if she wasn’t pregnant. Being pregnant just made him worry even more. And they hadn’t even hit the halfway point… You have a great way of showing concern He thought, a little bitterly to himself. He pushed the thought away quickly though. Sure, he might have a slightly harder time then some showing his concern and feelings, but that was because for the longest time nobody cared. And when they did care, he’d gone and gotten himself in an industry that made his own emotions get buried. You weren’t allowed to be upset on camera, you weren’t allowed to be overly concerned on camera. The same went on stage, or when he was around fans. Touring was the worst, with so many events on the way, and the tiredness it caused… He barely had anytime that he wasn’t smiling for some camera. Probably when he was sleeping on the bus. You just had to smile and look good. It was a lot harder than most people thought, especially for the dork who’d been completely open to how he felt.

People that teased him had always known it bugged him, in high school he’d been an open book at most points. He didn’t break down or anything that extreme but his feelings were on the surface. He was happy? He grinned. Sad? He looked down. Angry? He had the whole ‘furrowed brows, scowl’ look. The only emotions he’d hidden was when he was upset or when he felt like giving a slightly lovesick grin to Sabina. He could give her the lovesick grin now though, and did in fact. Watching movies with terrible plots was their hobby back in the day. And in the present too… A lot of the evenings in Nassau had been spent in either of their rooms, watching some sort of movie. By the end of the evening they were both crashed, probably to the amusement of the hotel staff. There were a million evening things they could have done, and instead they chose to hole up and watch movies and munch of various room service options. What could Vesper say? He loved it, and always had. That was something that could never be replaced, not by any activity. It had always been something they did… Usually in his basement, simply because Sabina didn’t really get along with her parents. Not that Vesper got along with his Dad, but he usually left that out for Sabina. He acted as though everything was honky dory at home.

“If you’re sure… Don’t want you to starve on my account. ” He told her, resting his chin on her shoulder as he watched her face. He still didn’t deserve her. He hadn’t in high school, that was why he’d kept his mouth shut… And even now, she was way too beautiful to be with him. From her vivid hair, to her emerald eyes… He still found it hard to believe she’d crushed on him in high school… Really. That just seemed awful ridiculous to him… At least now adays he had style, he had the looks to catch the eye of four million girls. But back then? He was a nothing. Which only made him love her more… She’d always loved him, for him and nothing more. Pop star sensation was just a added bonus now. Bonus? Maybe that was the wrong word, back in New York, it’d been a bonus. When he could have taken her around the world on tour, given her anything her heart desired. Instead he gave her the one thing she’d probably not wanted then dragged her off to hide. Woohoo…

“Well… If you want to sit on the pull out couch and watch movies with bad plots, we can do that. I’m pulling up a blank myself, so really it’s up to you. You seem like you’re happy just hanging out up here… We could just do that too. He added, raising a brow. She seemed pretty content to just sit there with him too, not that he minded. If holding Sabina in his arms could be a hobby, he’d be trying to go pro. “This bed is more comfy than the couch. And there are tons of things that we could do here. I could give you a massage, or we could just cuddle, you can ramble about in my ear about anything you want…” He added, grinning. He shifted his head over, pressing another kiss against her neck, this time lower, near the neckline of her shirt. He brushed his lips upwards along the curve of her neck, slowly with a smirk before coming a halt at the hollow under her ear. “What’s it going to be, Sab?” He murmured against her skin before pulling back to wait for a reply.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

“I think starving isn't possible for me. I eat like there is no tomorrow. You're just usually not here to see.” Sabina said. It was true, she constantly snacked all day until she felt as though her baby was composed of food and not an actual child. Wow.. that was an attractive thought. She really couldn't believe that he would want to be with her. It was like he had only settled for her since she was pregnant with his kid. Otherwise he could have gotten any one else. Someone who would actually treat him a lot better than she had been. Obviously there had to be a reason for him never being at the house, he didn't want to be there. Though she wasn't sure if he didn't want to be there because he didn't want to be at home with her. She didn't blame him either, she could be a selfish pain at times and the hormones and her general attitude just made it undesirable for people to not want to be around her. The thought stung a bit, of Vesper avoiding the house because of her, not that she'd blame him anyways.

It was like they were being back at school.. how people said that she was only trying to be Vesper's friend because of the fact that he had no one. Or it at least appeared, and that definitely was not the truth. Honestly, she just thought that he was ten times more interesting than any high status guy. He actually had a personality unlike all the fake people she was “friends” with. Sure, she only put up with them because who wouldn't want to be accepted in high school? Of course it was only a matter of time before she noticed that all that didn't matter. High school was just high school and it wasn't going to matter for when they all graduated. She wanted one friend that she would have for a long time, for once they all left the hell hole they were strapped to known as the education system. She never really hated school, just never had a liking to some of the people she had encountered there. She loved her art teacher, Mr. Brunner, who had always told her that she had potential. Not talent, but potential, and that just made her work that much harder to have talent in the old man's eye.

Then she noticed Vesper one day during free period. Sitting with a guitar as he usually did during their free time. She had ditched the art classroom that day, too frustrated with her muse to think of anything good enough to wow Mr. Brunner. Looking up from her drawing pad she saw him, obviously in his own little world as he played and she could never really forget the urge to want to draw him. It was perfect, but once she put her pencil down to the pad she changed her mind. She didn't want to draw him, she wanted to go up to him and talk to him and that was what she had done, sure she had been a little bit uneasy about just walking up to him and striking up a conversation, but she had done it. To her surprise she thought that they was hit it off greatly, making her question why people didn't like him or picked on him. He was cool, and made her actually laugh, not having to fake one for a lame, rude joke was actually a relief to her. Of course people just thought she was taking pity on him, but she wasn't. She had never really had a best friend, not one like him. He was different than other people and she actually like that. Generic was never really her style anyways.

Vesper had a point about how much more the bed was comfortable than the couch.. Besides, what was the point of going from the bedroom bed to the one in the sofa? Though the promises of a massage and him kissing her neck were definitely helping her make a choice. She'd never say, only because she knew that it would boost his ego and it would be another things that he would be able to use to tease her. Not that she really cared, as long as it was playful. But she really did like sitting there with him, and the thought of having a boyfriend that actually wanted to cuddle made her smile. That was what set him apart from most guys and she loved it. “You certainly know how to persuade a girl Mr. Monroe. How about we just stay here then. We have the rest of the day to do anything else. Spending it right here sound pretty good to me,”

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

He might not see that she ate constantly, but he definitely saw the evidence of it… The amount of food gone when he got home, wrappers in the garbage it wasn’t hard to see. Plus he tended to do the shopping, so he knew what he bought and how much. He didn’t tell her this and hadn’t told her because he didn’t want her to feel self conscious or something stupid. “Well… That kind of makes sense you know… You’re eating for two, right?” He said, smiling slightly. Okay. So he was getting better with the smile, even if he still felt the usual awkward twinge at mentioning the baby. He was positive he’d get over it, he really was. He was getting a little bit better, when he was focusing on not letting it bother him. He sensed a little discomfort in Sabina and raised a brow slowly, tilting his head a little. “Is something wrong?” He asked her in a low, concerned voice. He was the guy that made mental assumptions of things. His assumption of the now? They were discussing her eating habits… His assumption as that she was bothered by the amount she ate… Or something along those lines. All he knew was that she seemed a little troubled by something.

She’d always been better at reading him then the other way around. He could usually tell when something bothered her, or when he was upset… But there were also times that she stumped him. She’d always been that way, since day one. He’d always been an open book, but that wasn’t overly surprising. He wasn’t a good liar, and didn’t used to be good at hiding his emotions. That in turn, made him an open book to most people. Sabina was just better at reading him than everyone else. He’d never asked her why she approached him that day way back when… He’d never really cared why she came over, but she did. He’d just been sitting there, working on lyrics for a new song when she ambled out into the area. He’d learned later in the conversation that she had art, but he’d seen her before. They had had biology together that semester, not that she’d have noticed him hiding in the back. He’d known her name from attendance, but he knew most of the people in his year’s names, who didn’t? She was pretty and talented and as much as he’d have loved to have talked to her, she was part of the group that usually poked fun at him. The girls that tripped him, the guys that shoved him and pushed his books out of his arms… Oh yeah. It was like the stupid cartoons except real. Funny how the school’s prettiest girls were the mean ones. Though Sabina had never really been like them… He’d never really noticed it before she started hanging with him, but she’d never joined in the fun and games.

It was amusing really… That he’d actually nearly bolted when he saw her approaching that first time. All he’d known was that Sabina was one of those girls, and he hadn’t been in the mood to deal with that shit. But the coward lost and he’d stayed his ground to find she only wanted to talk to him. He’d been like everyone else, assumed it was pity. But after a while that thought drifted away, she didn’t pity him… She actually liked him. It was a startling thought really, he couldn’t fathom why. She’d ditched all the ‘cool kids’ to hang around with him… She could have crushed on anyone (and gotten them) but she chose him. She could have been best friends with anyone but she chose him. And he was still grateful. Though… He was still curious WHY she’d came over in the first place, he’d just been doing what he always did. He certainly didn’t react to her presence in the area or anything to draw attention to himself… He’d had an acoustic going, but it was really quiet. He smirked a little, maybe one day he’d ask.

“Sounds like an alright plan to me… And I’m very persuasive when I feel like it,” He replied, smiling slightly as he pulled his head back, letting it rest against the headboard. He pulled one arm from around her waist and used the hand to snag one of hers, interlocking his fingers between hers. As far as he was concerned, this was one of the best ways to spend the day. He felt rather stupid for avoiding the house so much, when he could have spent the time like this, just sitting with Sabina. They weren’t doing anything, most people might say it was boring, but he loved every second of it. Sure, they’d snuggled back in high school, especially during scary movies. But it had always just been as friends, more her using him as a pillow than anything. This was all affection now, because she was his. Boy. The kids back home sure called it… So did Mom He thought with a smirk. A lot of the kids in high school said they’d date, he’d always said ‘we’re just friends’ (if they spoke to him) and his mother had always teased him, saying that he and Sabina would date eventually. Wasn’t so happy now, was she? He dropped his gaze to Sabina’s hand, frowning a little. He didn’t even know where to start with his mother…

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Vesper was right, she was eating for two. Though she was sure that all the cravings and eating large amount of food didn't come till later in the pregnancy, she was barely going to be reaching the five months mark and she probably ate more than largely pregnant woman. She'd talked to a few people about it and they all told her the same thing. Her nerves. She had never been one to eat when she was worried or something along those lines, that's supposedly why she had turned to drinking and partying. At least that was what all those doctors had told her back when she was a resident and patient as Ostroff. Obviously drinking was a really, really bad idea when one is pregnant but she had also promised herself to stop the binge drinking because she was scared she would end up at exactly the same place she had been. It wasn't that she hated the rehabilitation center, she just didn't want to be back in the moment in time again. She had regretted it back then and there was no way she was going to turn back to it again.

So she had taken to constantly snacking when she got worried or upset. O f course it wasn't junk food or something unhealthy. Keeping the baby healthy was still extremely important to her and a handful of Doritos didn't exactly have all what the baby needed. Plus, she had heard that the baby could actually form eating habits while still in the womb, that being another reason. She didn't need to start screwing up the kid's life before it was even born, which is exactly what she would have been doing if she didn't have Vesper around to keep her in check. Just the thought of having to raise a baby all alone scared the living day lights out of her. Honestly, she didn't really know if something was actually wrong. She was a little worried and somewhat scared but that was already something he was aware of as of yesterday. Though something still kind of bothered her but she couldn't exactly place her finger on the issue. But she had the slightest feeling that it was probably about her parents and what they would think of the situation. Nothing good of course. They weren't going to be filled with joy of turning into grandparents in a few months.

If she was right, and she knew she would be, they would be extremely pissed. She'd be sitting at the phone for a good two hours with a lecture from both parents, get told that the boy was never any good. After all, they were sure that he was the reason that she had ended up in rehab in the first place. She had never said that he was.. oh wait, yeah she had. She had practically accused him of being the source that had turned everything sour for her once he had left. But that wasn't completely true, she had made terrible decisions and had no one to blame but herself, bringing him in wouldn't be fair at all. Though her parents would still do it. They would do all they could to make sure the baby would be in neither of their care and they'd make her come back home. No, not New York. North Carolina. After all, that was their threat for when the pregnancy rumors rose, now that it was true that wouldn't hold back and they would enforce it. She was technically a legal adult and no longer had to listen to her parents. She had defied them before and it wouldn't be surprising for her to do it once again. “Nothing could possibly be wrong right now,” she said to him. That was something she wasn't sure if it could be classified as a lie or not, all she could do is hope that he took the answer gracefully and left it at that.

Why were their parents still a factor anyways? They had taken care of themselves and each other and in her opinion, been doing a pretty damn good job at it. Not once yet had she thought about running to her phone to call her father to help her out of the problem. They hadn't attempted to help her till it was almost too late when she needed it. She had practically been crying out for attention but they were just too busy with their own lives to remember that they had a daughter who was emotionally hurt and had just lost her best friend. She didn't see Vesper's parents exactly trying to add anything good into the mix. Yelling at Vesper wasn't exactly getting Mrs. Monroe anywhere if it just meant that every little phone call between the two meant yelling and arguing. So much for parents always being there. She may have been used to not needing them but she had no idea about Vesper. Which of course only made her feel guilty about everything.

Sabina nodded as he agreed about their afternoon plans to do.. nothing at all. Other may not have thought that it would be fun to just sit in bed and talk to each other after being distant for a while. But she wouldn't have been doing anything else and this was perfect to her. She loved simply just being near him and really being able to talk, not just in a chat room but to be able to hear his voice and to have his arms around her. She laid her head back on his chest and looked down at their intertwined hands that seemed to fit perfectly together, a thought that brought a small smile. “I love you Ves, no matter what,” she said, meaning it to be more of a promise than anything else.

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Her response to his question was a little odd. It puzzled him. Nothing could go wrong? Oh yes they could. He supposed he was alright with her keeping anything she felt to herself, everyone had the right to secrets. But then again, he could have been wrong, maybe nothing was bugging her and he was just being paranoid or something. Maybe he’d lost his ability to read her emotions as well as he thought he could. He didn’t know… All he knew was that there were a lot of things that could be wrong. Maybe things seemed nice, and perfect at this moment in time, but that wouldn’t last forever… But there was no need for him to say that. Why bother her with his own pessimistic thoughts? It was bitterly ironic to him, that the whole reason he’d gotten where he was, was also why he was hiding in this stupid, little town. His friendship with Sabina. She might deny it, but she was the reason he’d made it big. His mother had always said not to dream too big, that his chances of being a rock star were too small. But Sabina had encouraged him, pushed him onwards. She was why he’d saved up five hundred dollars to make a demo, got dragged out to audition for a part in Sum Fusion. He’d believed her, so he’d tried. But then… He’d gone and let his feelings for her wreck it all. Wreck? That was so negative… But true. He could have been in a relationship with her and not gone as far as they did, then they wouldn’t be in this mess. As his mother had very well told him over the phone.

She’d been angry, about her image mostly. The whole ‘what will the neighbours and family think?!’ deal. The public humiliation the whole ordeal brought on her. He was the goodie lout of the band, though he should have known lying about it wouldn’t get him far. He drank, he’d partied, he’d had sex, even if he said he didn’t to the public. The fanbase had thought he was a perfect boy, above the normal draws of guys his age. Was he? Definitely not. Heck, none of the band was. They all kept the same image, just for the fan mothers, and their manager’s wishes. But none of them actually were… Some were just worse than others. Jareth had been awful, he’d been the guy that drank every second night on tour until he could barely stand. Somehow he made it on stage the following evening and didn’t show the slightest sick feelings. Out of the band, Vesper knew he was the most well behaved, because unlike the others… He’d never been cool, he’d always been a good kid. His mother had made sure of that. Leave it to him to make the stupidest mistake out of the whole group. And he hadn’t even faced the public yet…He was honestly surprised the town hadn’t squealed… It wasn’t like he was hiding Sabina away… She was free to go out in public, the neighbours all knew… He guessed it was just because they didn’t care. Heck, if the paparazzi did find them, the first thing they’d notice was the fact his mother’s promise ring was no longer on his hand, instead it was on a chain around his neck. He didn’t really know what to do with it… You were supposed to give it to the woman you married in exchange for your wedding band… So for now it hung on a chain. “Alright… Nothing could go wrong,”

Why was image such a big deal to Vesper? He couldn’t figure it out… half his fanbase was made up of fourteen and under girls, mostly in the ten to twelve zone. That was who Sum Fusion were clean for. The rest were ladies he could actually consider dating, girls within his age frame, a little bit younger. They’d hardly care if he was sleeping with girls, wouldn’t that just make them happy? He didn’t know, but he supposed he’d find out. Something said the fanbase wouldn’t change because of his screw up… But that wouldn’t appease his manager. His record company was known for clean teen bands. That was their special so to speak… Sum Fusion was on the chopping block, and it was his fault. His band mates wouldn’t even speak to him. At first they had, until all of them had been yelled at by their manager, and the news had been given. Since Vesper hadn’t heard from any of them, though his manager seemed to have cooled down. Why? Vesper didn’t know but his guess was that his manager was looking for a replacement, a younger, cleaner replacement. Not that he’d breathed a word of this to anyone… Not even the girl currently resting against his chest. He assumed she had some idea what was going on, but not the whole story.

Sabina’s words snapped him from his thoughts, startling him a little. They seemed so out of the blue, not that he minded. He definitely didn’t mind hearing those simple, three words now and then. Though he ‘no matter what’ part was a little puzzling. He didn’t question it verbally, but had a feeling she was almost assuring herself of something, as well as him. Looks like we’re both thinking about something… And I’m not sure it has to do with just sitting here with each other. He thought to himself, smiling slightly, despite the negative thoughts invading his head. He leaned forward and around to kiss her cheek softly then leaned forward, resting his chin on the top of her head. He decided not to question her words any further and just accept them for what they were. “No matter what, I love you too. You’re everything to me, Sab and you always have been, even while I was gone. I might not be great at showing it, but it’s true.” He replied in a quiet tone, brushing his thumb gently against the back of her hand.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

She had been his everything while he was gone? That was something Sabina found hard to believe.. If that was true than he wouldn't have spent all that time dating those other girls. The beautiful models and people just like him. The ones that made her feel as though she would never be good enough for Vesper. Most of the fans thought so, she had always been current with that no matter how much it stung to read the opinion of others on her relationship with her best friend. She had always told herself that their say didn't matter. They didn't know Vesper ( Or Victor) at all to know what he was really like. She had known him before the sexy band boy image that drove all the girls crazy. Sabina knew his inner dork and what he used to be like and all those things that his fans and exes didn't. That had always made her feel as though she was a leg up on the people that made her feel jealous and inadequate compared to them. She was the one having his baby and laying in bed with him, resting up against him getting told that she was his everything and that he loved her no matter what. And hey, she was no super model or big shot actress with her name plastered every where. She was just some girl from New York that used to be his best friend.

Of course, she loved the thought of it and the thought of him deep in thought about their friendship while he was cooped up on a tour bus in the middle of nowhere. Though she had to find the fine line between reality and what she wanted it to be like. This wasn't a romance novel with some happy ending where everything had turned out to be exactly what it was meant to be. This situation had no future of a marriage, a perfect family and a white picket fence. Not even close to it actually. Sure, they would make do with what they had. Which really was no parental support, their friend's opinions and love. As cheesy as it sounded, it was true. She had no idea if they would still be here in Ellsworth and putting up with all the mood swings, arguments and unwanted judgments. They were managing on their own even though some people said they couldn't and there was no way possible for them. Oh, how she loved to make sure that they were proven wrong. They would make good parents, no, not perfect ones but exactly the right criteria or be considered a good parent for this baby who would in fact grow up one day.

Maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself, but then again maybe she really wasn't. She had been deeming them as failures when it came to all of this. But perhaps she really wasn't given themselves much credit. From what she knew, they both didn't need their parent's guidance through all this. Not once had she seen them step in and try to be the least bit helpful. Well, then again, her parents didn't have the slightest clue about what was going on in their daughters life. She had thought about calling them and telling them what was going on. There was only so many fake missed calls she could manage to do before they came into the picture, and she really didn't want them to find out that way. Sabina knew she was being a huge coward by hiding this away from her parents, it only made her feel worse about everything. But she had already disappointed them so much and she wasn't sure how much more they would be willing to take before they really forced her to do this on her own. After all, her financial security came from her parents. She had no job, nor had she ever had one thanks to the thoughts that they had filled her head with, that she would never have to worry about that. But letting this news go to them and they would be furious. Mostly her mother though, since Sabina could remember her mother was always way more concerned with where she stood in society then what he daughter did. Rehab was one thing, tons of her mom's friends had drug and alcohol addicted children. It was something that came to rich, spoiled kids. They had just taken to it like water. Those she knew better than to let it control her life like she did for just a little while. But pregnancy? That was out of the question and out of line. Her mom wouldn't want to hear from her ever again. Who knew about her father though, that she wasn't even going to venture in to.

Sabina pushed the thoughts to the back of her head, feeling a head ache come on from all the uneeded thoughts that were swirling around in her head and had no plans of quitting just to let her think. But the movement on her hand brought her out of it quicker than she had thought, glad that those thoughts were over with. Now all that was left was the feelings of being a bitch the previous night. She had regretted all those things she had said to him and felt like a complete tool for over half of the things that come out of her mouth. She was supposed to go find him, bring him home and leave the matter where it was at. Not argue with him at two in the morning in front of a closed diner. “I'm sorry for what I said last night. I didn't mean a word about putting the baby up for adoption.. I guess I just wanted some control over what was happening and I thought that it was the only way. Totally wrong and completely stupid. I think we can actually do this.. Besides, this baby isn't something you can turn into cookies at the end of the day..” she teased, a smirk forming on her lips as she played mindlessly with his hand.

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

At least someone thought they could. His mother obviously didn’t think so… Neither did his father from what he heard over the phone. He didn’t know what her parents thought… Why? Because she hadn’t talked to them yet. He wasn’t about to lie… He’d left it really late to tell his parents. So really, he couldn’t scold her, or tell her to without seeming like a hypocrite. But something told him that she should mention it sooner than later. He wasn’t about to say her knew her parents in a great manner. They’d been about as caring as his father, but he knew enough to know that it would be worse if she didn’t tell them. They weren’t your average couple, they couldn’t hide away until the baby was three then tell parents. It would get out, pictures would get out… He was positive that her folks would rather hear it from her, than see it on the magazines at the grocery store. He for one would rather find something like that out from the person, rather than the media. Not that he assumed they’d take it any better than his parents… Then again, they’d allowed her to drop into being an alcoholic and only stepped in when it got to the point where she needed rehab. He really didn’t feel they were that great of parents period. Not that he was one that should be thinking like that … After all, they were going to be the grandparents to his kid. Yeah… Like that will matter. I’ll need a miracle to have them like me at all now He thought to himself.

Had they ever liked him? He honestly didn’t know. He wasn’t one who really cared what people thought about him. Well… he did, but he didn’t let them know it and tried not to really notice those around him. He’d always been a polite kid, always thanking people and holding the door. He assumed they hadn’t minded him so much back in high school, he’d been the kind of guy parents wanted their kids to be. He doubted they’d been to fond of him when he’d skipped out of New York for fame, leaving their daughter to drown her feelings in booze. Now this? Oh yeah… They were going to just love him. Hell, he was surprised that Sabina had forgiven him. He hated to think about it… He knew what it was like to be a loner, to feel like you had nobody. He’d grown up like that… Then he’d gone and dropped her on her own. She’d left her safe crew of friends for him, and look how he’d repaid her. He blamed himself for her going to rehab. He truly did. As much as part of him wanted to argue and say she made choices herself, he couldn’t help but know if he’d stayed that she’d have been fine. He’d never have let her fall that far, he would have stopped it. But he was gone, he’d lost contact. He’d been completely oblivious to what happened to her.

Stop it. He thought quickly. He wasn’t going to sit there and dwell about it. It was the past, and he wasn’t going to sit there and wallow in what happened in the past. It was over, it was done. He had to focus on the now, on what was happening at that exact moment. He knew she was right in some respects. There was a sense of control, being able to give the baby to an older couple. One that knew how to raise a kid and possibly already had one. But he just felt like he was giving up, like he was abandoning the kid. He’d always been told to face his problems head on, that was the only good advice his father had ever given. He didn’t do that before he became ‘Vesper Monroe, Pop Star King’. Now was a time he had to face the music, face what he’d done and deal with the consequences. It was a long consequence to deal with, one that would change his life but he wasn’t going to shy away from it.

“It wasn’t stupid to want some control over what’s happening. I understand, I understood everything you were saying. I’ll support whatever you want to do, I was stubborn and rude last night.” He admitted. He didn’t want to give the baby up, but he wasn’t going to drag Sabina around by her hair. If she changed her mind, thought it was better, he’d agree. He wanted to face the consequence of his actions, but he wouldn’t hurt her to do it. The two opposing forces almost made his head hurt… He wouldn’t like going against her, and didn’t want to just abandon the kid. It was a mental war. For now she thought they could do it… But if that changed? He’d be forced to either hurt her by arguing, or just let it go. He didn’t know which his parents would approve of more… His mother was angry, yes… But he had a feeling she was on the firm believe that family, was family. She wouldn’t forgive him for shying away from family… After all, she’d had him at his age, and she’d kept him and raised him herself. “If my Mom could handle me at our age, I think together we’ll be fine,” He told her.

“No. I can’t make cookies out of this baby.” He added, smiling slightly at the thought. Ah sugar babies. One of his favourite projects in life management. He was the only kid who’d baked with his sugar baby. “Though, I do make a mean peanut butter and chocolate ship cookie.” He said, letting the smile turn into a grin as he watched her fingers against his hand. “Even if… Cookies are all I can cook…” He muttered to himself, rolling his eyes slightly.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Really, Sabina didn't have the slightest idea of what to do next. Decide whether or not to keep the baby? Talk to her parents? And so many other things. She wasn't used to having so much going on around her and truly hated the feeling of having no control over what she was doing. But she did have control now. She had all the control she wanted and could made what ever decision she wanted but couldn't bring herself to make a decisions. This time it wasn't just affecting her. It was affecting what her parents thought of her, Vesper, the baby and herself. She didn't want whatever to she did to have such an effect on people. All she wanted was to go back in time to when everything was good and calm. Back in high school when she was with him, maybe didn't encourage the musician dream as much as she did or something. But that wasn't fair.. she wanted him to be successful and follow his dream, to see him happy when he appeared to be miserable in the school atmosphere. She had seen how happy he was up on stage in photos and promotional videos for their tours. He beamed and she loved seeing him at his happiest.

And now? It was practically emotional distress for the both of them. She was up then down, sad then happy. Crying then laughing. It was giving her a head ache and who knew how much longer she could take it before she simply gave up and let someone else make her decisions for her. That someone either being Vesper or her mother. Take her back to being a child even though she was twenty and in a predicament not meant for one to handle. She didn't want to anger her parents.. Anger. That was an understatement. As soon as her mom would find out about what she had been hiding for the past couple of months her mother would be nothing short of enraged. From the voice mails that she had left Sabina could already tell that she was fuming at how her daughter didn't answer and had yet to return even a single phone call or message. Her father had called her as well. Though those calls weren't so bad. At least she cad one decent parent, a little less than decent by the fact that he had never really paid much attention to her, always to busy wrapped up in the work that maintained their wealthy life style.

Sabina looked up at him and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, a small smile in tow. How she got lucky enough to be in a relationship with him was really beyond her. How he even put up with her was crazy to think about as well. Even when she was the one that felt terrible about what she had done he felt sorry about something that he really didn't need to be. She needed to come back down to earth and step off her cloud of over dramatics and he had helped her do just that. It wasn't going to be as bad, yet she couldn't say if it was going to be great either. “The difference between your mom and I is that she is a strong, independent woman and here I have to rely on you for every little thing. You're mother was to tell us how she did this because I really have no clue what to do. I have no idea what the first thing is about taking care of a baby. This isn't exactly something you learn in babysitting 101. Well, if she even wants to talk to the girl who practically ruined her son's life..” she said, the last part in a more hushed tone.

Sabina laughed softly as they went on about the baby project gone wrong, probably one of the best memories they had from high school, than again. Anything with him had been pretty good. Every day just sitting in free period together was memorable. From what the day was like to what they were talking about. “I would suggest that we go into the kitchen and make some of those cookies, but I don't want to move from here. And there is nothing wrong with just being able to bake cookies. At least you don't burn them like I do.”

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

His mother, strong, independent? Puh. Maybe once upon a time she was a strong, independent woman. Until his Dad flounced back into New York and pulled her off her stool to his side. She’d become his lap dog, his little pet. The Mrs. Monroe Sabina met was as much a façade as the stage Vesper Monroe. Not that he was about to say that, if that was what Sabina thought his mother was like that was fine by him. He wasn’t going to give her the story about how his mother did nothing every time his father screamed and yelled at him. Didn’t even stand up when a hand was raised his way. But that was the way his household was, he lived with it. It was the past, and he avoided that topic like the plague. Though he did agree in some ways… At least his Mother knew how to raise a kid because her Mom helped her. What did he get? A lecture on how irresponsible he was, and how he ruined his, Sabina’s and his mother’s life. Before he could reply to any of that though, he heard something in a hushed tone that made the smile fade from his face, his brows furrowing as he sat up straighter. “You didn’t ruin my life.” He said quickly, his voice firm though low. She didn’t, he had. His life was ruined… yet… and even if it was ruined, it was his fault, not hers. “Don’t even try to pin something like that on yourself… She’s not angry at you. In fact, you might have better luck talking to her than I did,” He added a little softer, feeling a little bad for the harsh firmness in his reply.

And then… he wasn’t entirely sure that was true… Sure, his mother had blamed him over the phone, yelled about HIS irresponsibility and stupidity. But she really hadn’t mentioned Sabina, so he honestly couldn’t know how she’d react to speaking to her. There was also the matter that she hadn’t seen or spoken to Sabina since he was living at home, back in junior year. She didn’t know about the rehab… Something told him if his mother got wind of that, all hell would break loose. Not that he was about to let his mother run his life. He’d stopped that once he’d been signed and moved to L.A. But he was sure she could have some advice in terms of raising kids… She did have two of them herself and both of them had turned out alright. Well… Sort of. Vesper wouldn’t have said he had turned out to be exactly what she wanted. He could have been worse though, he had been pretty good up until knocking up his girlfriend… At least she wasn’t sixteen, that had been his only true ground in the argument against his mother. Even she couldn’t argue much about that, they were adults in the least. Not legal in Sabina’s case, but they were adults.

Vesper wasn’t lying when he’d said he could make a mean batch of cookies. He could, his mother had made cookies with him a lot when he was a kid. It was the only thing he could make… He was not a cook; he failed miserably when it came to the kitchen. But cookies he could handle.

“We may have a problem if you never want to leave this bed…” he chuckled. Though truthfully, he didn’t mind just sitting with her. It was more relaxing than anything he could do… Except maybe play piano, but without a piano, that was rather difficult. A keyboard just wasn’t the same. He slowly pulled his arms back, moving to place his hands on her shoulders, working his thumbs gently against the muscle. “Though I hardly blame you,” He added, moving his hands closer to her neck, smiling widely. He missed times like that in high school, the way she laughed. Everything was so simple back then, he’d thought it was hard, and rough but it was really very simple compared to the present.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Maybe Vesper had a point and maybe he didn't. She had never had huge, drawn out conversation with his mother. She couldn't really picture having a talk about the baby with his mom. Well, more than talking to her mother. Mrs. Monroe wasn't her mother, there fore she couldn't really yell at her.. well. She could yell at her though it would be terribly awkward to yell at someone who was not their child. Though back when they were in school she saw Vesper's mom more than she saw her own at times. But that wasn't the point. She hadn't ruined his life? Was he serious, last time she had checked he was forced to relocate them and ditch music for a while because she had gotten pregnant. Obviously that hadn't been all her fault but they could have been more careful and cautious. Something that they obviously hadn't been. Now they were dealing with all the consequences and that scared her more than anything else. The horror stories of pregnancy, which were ones she really didn't like. Still borns, dying during child birth, receiving the wrong baby on the way out of the hospital. Okay, now she was just scaring herself with too much thinking.

There was always something about the way he seemed to say something harsh. As if he was holding back just because he didn't want to get mad. Of all the things we held back and didn't say, that was the one thing she would allow him to keep to himself. After all, she knew what his temper was like. And it had only gotten worse during rock star like and when he came back. Now it was just terrible. Storming out of the house, giving his car a couple blows. That was definitely not something the old Vesper would do. Or maybe it was and she just didn't know him as well as she thought she did. And here she thought that she knew him more than the back of her own hand. “I didn't mean to say that she was angry with me, just saying that I don't really think she likes me that much. At first, I took her son and pretty much handed him over to the music business and then you come back to New York, now we leave to Minnesota and to add insult to injury, she's going to be a grandmother. Yeah, she loves me to death for sure.” She said, being spiteful with the sarcasm. Sure, it wasn't exactly needed nor had she meant to say it that way either.

She felt bad though, it was like she was making their parents out to be bad people when they really weren't. Well, Vesper's parents were not, at least they cared about what was going on with their son. If she told her mom and dad it would just cause more problems than they already had and she really didn't feel like contributing to those.

“I did not say never. Just likely for this afternoon, maybe into this evening. If that's okay with you,” she said with a laugh, though was quite serious. She didn't really want to get up, some may call it lazy. But as usual, she would use the pregnancy as a crutch as to her advantage. Hence, getting her way with him, though even she knew it was pretty unfair for him. It was already bad enough that she was already mooching off of him here and she was capable enough to take care of her own expenses though she knew he probably wouldn't agree with that. “That feels really good, how many people have you practiced on?” she teased, hoping that the question hadn't been out of line. She had already pissed him off enough for a while and didn't need to say something stupid to add to it already.

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Vesper certainly hoped his mother wasn’t angry at Sabina… He knew if she was, there’d be another war between the two. Did she like Sabina? He didn’t know anymore. Back in high school she’d adored Sabina, talked about her all the time. But really, Vesper didn’t blame the woman. Her son grew up an outcast, the fact someone decided to be his friend made her instantly love Sabina. But there was truth in Sabina’s words… Without her encouragement Vesper would have never gotten around to making a demo, never would have sent it anywhere and never would have become part of Sum Fusion. His mother hadn’t ever really encouraged his dreams of getting big… And she had been rather upset when he said he was going on tour for the first time, and when he moved to L.A. But he highly doubted that his mother blamed that on Sabina… It had been completely his choice. The same was moving to Minnesota, though he knew his mother saw that as both their choice. The grandchild was his fault. That much his mother had made clear… She’d been the same way about his Dad too… She’d always said he was to blame… “Of course it was his fault. But I forgive him because I love you too much to hold a grudge sweet heart,”. That had always been her exact word choice.

“It doesn’t matter if she loves you, because I do.” He told her. In his opinion it was true. He was pretty sure his mother would eventually get over it, it didn’t matter how much she bitched and complained, and the kid wasn’t going to go away. She’d either get over it or be a bitter old woman all her life. He was sure half of her problem was the fact that she was forty-one and going to be a grandmother. She didn’t like it, it made her feel old. That had nothing to do with Sabina, and if his Mother couldn’t get over it and help them, he didn’t know if he would forgive her. He’d forgiven her for letting him become a punching bag. He wouldn’t forgive her for blaming Sabina for this. Or for leaving him on his own. “Why would she be upset because you got me to where I wanted to be. I honestly would have never made it without you… I would still be some dork in New York, working under my Dad’s company while wondering what it would be like to perform on stage for few thousand people. If she’s harbouring negative feelings that’s unfair to you.” He said, frowning a little.

“This evening? Hmm… I suppose I can get up then,” he replied, making his voice a little on the whiney side, fighting off a laugh. He was perfectly happy to just sit there with her, though he’d get up when she decided it was time to get up. After all, she was the one with a hormonal imbalance and food cravings. But he couldn’t help worry a little about her, he didn’t want her missing meals because they were just relaxing. He tried to push the concern away, she obviously had no intention of getting up, so he wasn’t going to push her to do so. That would just make her angry, and he didn’t want to tick her off. It seemed rare that they could just sit with each other and not end up fighting over something… Which of course led to him leaving the house and then they didn’t speak for a while until they made up. It was annoying.

He wasn’t sure how to respond to her other question. He could tell she was teasing him… But the truth was he’d practiced on a lot of girls. That was something he’d learned, that girls definitely enjoyed massages after a long day. What could he say? He was a gentlemen. That was one thing his Mom did do for him… Taught him the way to a lady’s heart. Did he really want to just tell her that he’d practiced on all his exes… Eight of them? Yeesh. That was a lot for him in three years. Some guys dated more, but he went from none through high school to about three a year. Big jump. “You probably don’t want to know... You pick up stuff on tour when you visit different countries. Need hobbies don’t I?” He said simply, shrugging his shoulders. He figured that was an alright answer, safe enough. He leaned forward, still working his thumbs gently into her muscle to brush his lips against the back of her neck with a smile. “How lucky for you, huh?” He added, chuckling softly against her skin, before brushing another kiss, lower this time.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina didn't really know why Vesper's mother would be mad at her, not after what Vesper had told her. She had never had many relationship and it was even slimmer when she met their mother. But this has been different. They were best friends, so they saw each others parents most often. After school when they would plan out watching some sci-fi, horror movie marathon, they would always end up running past her on their way down to the basement or something and Sabina would always try to give a hello or something of the manner to be polite. Had all that probably paid off? Probably not, she may have tried to be nice but no matter what she would do it doesn't exactly allow her to have to make decisions without her consent. Even if Vesper was an adult, it was like she had to ask his mother if this was all okay. Though she very well knew the answer to that. Sabina wasn't even sure how she would react to seeing her again. Not only Mrs. Monroe, but her own parents. Yeah, that was right. In the midst of hiding away, she had gotten a fear of parental figures. Extremely irrational, but it was their parents and they were still technically their son and daughter. She and Vesper may have been adults but there was still a level of respect that was to be given to their parents. This was exactly why she had yet to speak to her parents about this all, she had grew worried about what they thought was best. Of course, that never included what was best for her, Vesper and the soon to come baby. Would convincing them that she was in love with Vesper and that she really did want this baby help? Of course not, they would simply end up turning a blind eye and continue on.

She smiled softly when he said that he would have never made it without her. Now, that was something she wasn't all sure about actually. Vesper had talent, and boy did he have a lot of it. But he lacked the drive, the confidence to know that he was actually good. A lot better than he thought he was. Of course it took four million girls to convince him otherwise, but just one. She wasn't going to take and credit for that. Why? Because at first she hated that he had left. Loathed the idea that he really wasn't going to come back.. She had pretty much forgotten all about it the few months after she had gotten out of rehab, up until they met once again at Starbucks that day. But she hadn't forgotten about it, she had forgotten about him. They had drilled the idea of him being the cause of everything into her head so many times that eventually it just stuck. So she stopped trying to contact him. Something she really didn't want to do, especially after waiting a long time for his responses, ones that never exactly came. Stopped listening to the music, the Sum Fusion gossip. All gone. And it actually seemed to do the trick for a while. Until she remembered that they were an international band that was at the top of their game. They were everywhere. Then the sense of giving up and letting what come, come bestowed and it just went from there. Funny how she went from being a strong person to a generally week one in a matter of months. “We have really weird parents..” She said in a playful manner, yet avoiding the need to question the rest of his answer. Sabina pushed the thoughts away, not seeing it as a time to constantly be began on her mistakes and insecurities. She was happy because he was near by, that was what she would focus on.

Sabina couldn't really help but laugh at the tiny bit of a whine, his humor helping her forget a bit more of the thoughts that had been flowing and clouding up her mind for a while. “You don't have to stay here, you know. If you don't want to that is, otherwise I do love that you're here with me. If you don't mind just sitting here for who knows how much longer. I don't want you to get bored or anything.” She told him, trying not to be selfish by keeping him there with her the whole entire day. After all, she didn't know if there were other things he would rather be doing. Unlike herself, Vesper had actually gone out more than she had and met the people, started teaching piano and guitar and walked to dogs all the time. Yet she barely left the house. It wasn't that she hated the place or something, but there was always that fear of being judged or something. Back in high school she had dealt with it just fine. And now, she could barely calm her own nerves, let alone her boyfriends.

Now, Sabina wasn't one to get jealous of Vesper's girlfriends or anything. She only picked them apart mentally to see what could be better for him. Of course that didn't exactly work out.. seeing as though she personally didn't know his celebrity, hot shot girlfriend and only knew her from tabloids and things like that. Especially after what had happened with Lexi. The first girl to show interest in him and he was suddenly committed. She didn't think that was like him, but he had told her numerous time that he had changed and of course it only took a while for her to know that he was actually, somewhat of a different person. Luckily, she had grown to love both. She didn't need to be jealous about anyone he was with, because she was with him now and that counted a lot more than the thought of his sitting with another girl and giving her a massage. “You're going to have to give me some pointers so I can return the favor to you as well. And I do consider myself very lucky actually."

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Weird parents? That was the understatement of the year… He’d never pried into her personal life, and never really known her parents all that well. He was the friend that listened, and nodded as you spoke, not the one that pushed and pried to know everything about you. If she wanted to complain about them, he was there to listen. Otherwise? He’d let the topic go. It wasn’t like he enjoyed discussing his parents. Heck, he’d only completely lied about them to her for seven years, give or take. Sure, he’d never really lied about his mother, she was pretty much what she seemed. She molly coddled him but at the same time didn’t do a thing for him. To the outside world? He’d looked like a mama’s boy, at least he did in high school. His father was a whole different matter. Luckily for Sabina he often worked really late, so he’d never had to deal with her being around him. He’d been lucky throughout his friendship with Sabina, she’d never once seemed to pick up on the bruises or the days he seemed out of it. Sure, if he seemed out of it, she’d get him to bounce back, but really, her giving him a smile in the morning could cure a whole night of yelling and screaming between the two Monroe men. He wasn’t about to tell her… But her friendship had not only got him to his dream, but kept him sane throughout that time in his life. He really wasn’t sure he would have kept his head if he’d gone through high school without her. Between his father and his peers he was sure he’d have cracked and been shipped to a loony bin.

“Explains where we got it from…” He replied, smiling in an attempt to keep it a joke. No sense being a downer. Curious though, she didn’t reply to the rest of what he said. He wasn’t about to push and prod her for an answer of her thoughts. He’d tried to get something out of her once before and it had irrupted into an argument, he wasn’t going to repeat that. It made him wonder if she doubted it… Because it was true. He’d been told a million times that he lacked confidence in himself, and his fear about the baby only seemed to echo that fact. If Sabina hadn’t pushed him, encouraged him he’d never have sent out that demo tape. He didn’t want to fight with her, he didn’t want to argue or bicker. He just wanted to sit there and hold her, just to remind himself that where he was, was real. It was all too real at times, but then others he had to remind himself that it was Sabina. The girl of his dreams back in high school. It seemed ridiculous that now they were cooped up on their own, in a little town in the middle of no where. That she was laying against his chest, that she was carrying his kid. Heck. If someone had told him what life would be like for him now, back in freshmen year he’d have laughed in their face. Him, a popstar? Him, with Sabina? Having a kid at twenty-one? He was going to take Sabina’s v-card? He was going to be on four million girls’ walls? He was going to hide out in Minnesota? He’d have laughed and laughed and laughed….

Bored? Vesper didn’t get bored, even if he looked bored. He could sit there and stare at a wall, and not be bored. Something would be going in his head, lyrics, a song idea, or a grocery list… He let out a laugh, dropped his hands to warp them around her, pulling her as close to his chest as he could. He pressed his cheek against her neck, hugging her tightly, much like he used to back in the day. However, the simple thought of ‘back in the day’ made him turn his head to brush a soft kiss just below her ear. Why? Because he could. Back in the day he didn’t have the guts, didn’t have the girl to be blunt. But now he did, and he didn’t intend to let her go… Both literally and metaphorically at the moment. “Why would you think I’d get bored? I’m relaxing on a nice afternoon with the girl I love. Boredom isn’t an option there. And just so you know, if I haven’t said it already, I adore your laugh.” he murmured against her ear, before slowly moving back to resume the massage he was giving her. “Besides. It’s hard to be bored around you. Had to be a reason I stuck by someone that could be so infuriatingly stubborn, right?” He added, teasing her with a cheeky grin to himself. Though he bitterly reminded himself mentally that he hadn’t really stuck by her.

“It’s a skill you can’t teach. It’s called being awesome. You either got it, or you don’t. Though sometimes the person carrying the gene doesn’t show their true awesome until their late teens.” He chuckled, moving his massage a little lower on her spine. “Seriously though, you don’t need to return the favour, I’m the lucky one.” He added, smiling gently. She didn’t need to return any favours. He was trying to make up his lack of responsibility to her. That and he was trying out those pointers of ‘how to be a knight in shining armour 101’ classes his Mom used to drill him with. Why? Because she absolutely one hundred percent deserved it.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

They had gotten it from their parents? Boy did that make a whole lot of sense. If she got the habit of starting petty, whine like fights from her mother than that would have made a ton of sense. She couldn't even remember the quarrels her mother used to start with her father or an family member really. She always wanted to be right and would continue on her looping opinion that had no end and of course. No point. Did she get her way in the end? Of course. Sometimes she couldn't help but think that she was doing the same thing with Vesper.. They'd fight, pout and storm out for a good while before everything setting back together and in the end she was happy with what had happened because he would always feel bad and want to make up for it like he was then. After all, if it wasn't for the fight they had had in the wee hours of the morning, everything would have been exactly the same. He would be out doing his thing and she would be at home doing anything she could find to keep her busy. Either a phone call to Carson or Mikayla or an online conversation with Nikolai and the occasional visit from him. Really, she would invite him over a lot more but figured that Vesper wouldn't like that too much..

She never really understood the quarrels between them and figured that it may have just been better to stay clueless about what issues they may have had. Though she would have liked it a lot better if she didn't feel as though she wasn't being told something. That was definitely something that she had inherited from her father. She could remember all the times she and her mother had spent most of the time at dinner just sending each other deadly glares from across the table and when Dad couldn't get an answer of what was the matter this time he would get annoyed and tell them to settle it on their own terms and he wouldn't be taking sides. Of course he wouldn't. He was never around to figure out why she was made at her mom. Did he bother asking? Nope. At least this way she could say she never fought with her dad. Oh, that was something she could never forget. 'Daddy's little girl knows how to party, dancing on tables and singing 'pour some sugar on me'' Boy, that was a hellish week at school after that weekend. Though she vowed to never take a shot again.. of course that only lasted till Thursday night. Wow, she was really a fuck up. From a popular student, to an alcoholic to an unwed, soon to be mother at twenty. She was doing just great at life. All her goals and desires were going to be completed soon, yeah.. right...

A smile made its way onto her face as he hugged her tightly and laughed. She loved it when he laughed. It obviously meant that she was doing at least one thing right lately. They were actually being the way she loved to be. Happy and so close together. Not upset and just staying nearby to not anger the other more than they already were and simply just sulked in their bad mood. But now was different and she loved it. The hugs, what they said to each other and the kisses. Pretty much everything she wanted back when they were in high school. She would like to think that it was slightly the same but it obviously wasn't. She wasn't pregnant and he wasn't a pop star back then. In the now, yeah, she was. “Hey, I am not infuriatingly stubborn... Name one time that I have been that bad,” Now, she knew she could be stubborn but she was dead set on proving that she was really not that bad. If she really was, why the hell would he have stayed with her that long. He could have left if he was really that annoying. Another thing that made her feel like shit about how she was subconsciously ruining his life. He could fight it all he wanted but she knew that it was true.

She really didn't deserve someone like him. After all that she had put him through and all the things they both were going through in the present was too much for her to handle. Even she would have left herself if she could. He must have really been in love with her to be staying. And he considered himself the lucky one? That was all wrong. She was lucky enough to have him stick around for the baby and even though it seemed like he was avoiding her for a while, he was just going what every other guy would be going through if they were in his shoes. “Right, right. Silly me. I could never be as awesome as you I suppose. And I consider myself pretty lucky. I've got you,” she said, leaning back a bit to be able to brush a soft kiss on his mouth.

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tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; ouch.. okay that was terrible..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

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‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

He hadn’t really expected Sabina to be so against being stubborn. He was stubborn, he knew that. But she had needed that in high school to keep him afloat. He had some major confidence issues back them, and had needed that extra pushing to get him moving. Not only with music, but with everything. Classes, eating, talking… He chuckled slightly and shook his head. “I’m just teasing you Sabina,” He assured her gently. Of course, that wasn’t exactly true. But he didn’t want to give her the speech about her stubbornness getting him through high school. She never seemed to believe that it was true. And she said he didn’t give himself enough credit. He considered the thought for a moment. He really owed her too much… He could never repay her for the hand of friendship she’d offered, the fact she’d cared about him… He knew a lot of people had been concerned about him. The counsellor had often stopped to talk to him, question him about suicide. Awkward really. Of course she phoned his Mom, which only made things worse. He’d never even thought of it until everyone started tossing it at him, left, right and center.

Then some redhead came up to him while he was sitting on his lonesome. To everyone around who cared, it looked like he was just doing his average lyric writing. Really he was muttering under his breath about what the counsellor said. Talk about the good things you have. At the time he really hadn’t had many. Music, his guitars… His Mom on some occasions. Then he’d looked up to find a pretty girl from the group that usually picked on him, watching him. “Actually Sab…. I can name one, and it wasn’t really just one time. All of high school you were stubborn. I was bitter, I was unsociable, I was cool being a loner, and I was on the brink of just completely giving up. You didn’t let me.” he told her in a low voice, brushing the fingers of one hand through her hair. “So don’t think of stubborn in a negative way,” He added, frowning gently. He’d never told Sabina about his daily chats with the counsellor that hounded him. He’d never told her about the days where he felt like standing in the shower until he drown, when he was so against going to school it made him sick to his stomach, but the thought of staying home was no better. It sounded like a sob story in his head, and he felt disgust for himself.

He smirked a little at her admittance that she couldn’t be as awesome as him. And that she was the lucky one. But before he could come up with a response he found her lips against his. He felt like a junior high kid getting his first kiss (except that he hadn’t gotten his in junior high). His stomach did a flip, a common occurrence if she caught him off guard with affection. He tilted his head a little, returning her kiss softly with his own. He smiled against her lips then pulled back, only to lean forward and kiss her again. He pulled back again and let out a chuckle. “You’ve got me… Some prize. I’m not even the spiky haired pop star everyone wants when I’m around you. Just a curly haired dork,” He said, teasing her. He was quite fond of the small moments like this. The simple four second gesture lifted everything off his mind and shoulders for the moment. He loved kissing her, it was a way to make any day better. How many times had he sat with her during a scary movie in high school, with her all curled up against him? Too many to count. How many times had he wanted to lean down at kiss her? A lot of them. But he couldn’t… Now however, was different, he could kiss her whenever he wanted. She was his. All his.

“Do you know how many times I wanted to do that back in high school?” He murmured gently, wrapping his arms around her once more to pull her against his chest. “Wanted to do this…” He added, brushing his lips against her neck, just below her jawbone. “How many times I wanted to tell you I loved you?” He asked, resting his chin on her shoulder with a soft smile. Did it ever feel wonderful to have her little body in his arms again, It might have been different circumstances. But he couldn’t say he didn’t miss her while he’d been gone, he’d missed her warmth during movies, her smile when he was down… Heck, she’d inspired a ton of his music… Not that he’d told her that.

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Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

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And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open