-SABINA- I Ain't Perfect

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Vesper was getting rather good at keeping his temper down. He didn’t like fighting with Sabina, so he’d been trying really hard not to get annoyed. He was trying to let the little things that annoyed him go, he was trying to be more laid back. At times it worked, at others it didn’t. His careful approach was only enforced when she told him the news that he was going to be a Dad come nine months. He might not have been the most brilliant guy in the world, but even he knew snapping at a pregnant girl was a bad idea. So, he’d been even more careful around her the past months, watching what he said and what he did. She was excited. He was not. He was scared bloody shitless about the whole thing. He couldn’t believe it… They’d been dating for a very small amount of time before he’d screwed up. And now he was face to face with that fuck up, or would be come five months from the present. Everything had to be dropped. He’d just cleared up the pregnancy rumour to have it come true a few days later. He didn’t want to look like a liar to his fans, and his manager was not pleased. Surprisingly he hadn’t lost his spot on the band yet, but he’d been getting the silent treatment from most of the band. He wasn’t entirely sure what his future held and for once, he was really freaked out. He was usually good with letting stuff roll off his shoulder… But this was a whole different issue.

“No.. No. I know Mom! I’m aware. No, you know what. You’re right, it was a mistake to even go back to New York… You don’t think I regret that every single day that goes by? Mom. MOM. Would you just listen to me?!” He called into his phone as he paced in his-their- living room. As far as he knew Sabina was upstairs sleeping, it was almost two in the morning so despite his anger he was keeping his voice at a lower roar. “I am nothing like Dad. You can’t just-” He snapped only to find himself hung up on. He let out a growl and chuckled the phone across the room then swiftly left the room for the front door. He needed a walk, and the cool air of the early morning offered that to him. He wanted to slam the door, he really, really did but he closed it quietly in hopes that Sab would remain asleep. Once outside he let out a howl and kicked the tire of his Audi. He smacked a fist down on the hood and snarled under his breath before pushing away from the car to storm up the street. No sense busting up his baby because he was angry…

He got a few blocks away and the anger simmered down to a dull frustration. He came to a halt and looked around to get his bearings. The town wasn’t huge or anything, but it was still new to him and he didn’t want to get himself lost at night. He didn’t know exactly where he was… he was outside the residential area, but he wasn’t positive where. He wasn’t lost, he knew how to get home. He’d been taking Kahlua for crazy walks every day out of boredom so he was good at getting around town. If someone asked him what street something was on, he was lost… But he knew where most things of importance were. He knew where he could get food and gas. Wasn’t that everything he’d need? Food for his stomach and gas for his car? He wished there was a music shop in town… Or anything really. Anything to help with his lack of musical atmosphere…

He pushed forward, not pausing his footsteps until he reached the town’s diner. He didn’t even try the door.. It was two in the morning… Instead he just flopped on the ground and leaned against the brick wall behind him. He smacked the back of his head against the wall, pulled it forward then repeated the action. He wasn’t smacking himself hard, but enough to try and snap some sense into him. “Stupid… Fucking idiot… Stupid… Selfish…” He muttered with each smack. Perhaps it was immature and stupid behaviour, but he couldn’t help it. Sometimes your brain just did what it wanted… And that was how he’d dealt with problems as a kid. And for the first time, Vesper wanted to be a kid again. He’d take back all the dorkiness, all the laughing at him… At least back then he hadn’t screwed up the life of the person he’d always cared most about. That was his biggest problem, he could deal with screwing himself over… But he’d ruined Sab’s life too… He stopped, leaning forward on his knees, mumbling quietly to himself "There goes my life... There goes my future... My everything, might as well just kiss it all goodbye,"

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:LINK ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

She felt like such a little girl sitting up on the top step of the stairs and listening as Vesper yelled into the mouth piece of the phone. Not exactly a yell, but enough to have her know that this wasn't any good. Of course she knew what their conversation was about and the direction it was going. Definitely south. This was the exact same reason that she didn't even dare pick up a phone call from her mother or father. She wanted to avoid exactly what was going on between Vesper and his mom. Watching him pace only made her feel some of the nerves that he was probably overwhelmed with. He regretted coming back to New York.. every day at that.. Sabina swallowed hard as she tried to remain quiet and not let what he had said get to her. Maybe he hadn't meant it that way.. or he really did regret coming back to New York and everything else that came along with it. She really wanted to do something to help, or at least pull him away from that conversation before she heard something she really didn't want to hear. She had really wished that her mind would let her sleep. She didn't want to know this was going on and who knew how many times this had happened before that she had no idea had happened.

She remained silent as the call went on, only wincing slightly as he growled and threw the phone away from him. If it was one thing she knew about his it was his temper, sure she had never really had firsthand experience and didn't exactly know what he was entirely capable of. But she did know that it could get pretty nasty. Part of her wanted to let it go, let him cool off and go back to bed and hope that things would be better in the morning but when she heard the door click shut she figured that she may want to go with him in case he were to do anything. It was not that she was clinging to him, just merely worried about him. Sabina made her way down the stairs and into the living room, looking out the small window in the door only to see him kick his car and smack the hood. She couldn't help but shake her head as she grabbed a thin sweat shirt and her bag.

Maybe, at the moment it was better for the both of them to get some fresh air, so he had the right away. She just didn't want him doing something stupid while doing it. Before she could look back, he was no longer in sight. Of course this only made her worry some more. Sabina spotted his keys on the small table, debating whether or not to take his car.. She wasn't really sure if she was allowed to take his car, but thought that it was probably the only way she was going to find him since she wasn't as fast on foot. Without a second thought, she grabbed the keys and left the house, unlocking the doors to the Audi as she made her way over to the car and got in, throwing her things into the passenger seat. Sabina sighed as she turned on the car, what was she doing? She wasn't even sure where the hell he had gone off to, but a voice in the back of her head continued to egg her on to find him anyways.

Sabina let her mind sink back into thought as she pulled out of the drive way carefully. She was pretty sure that Vesper forgiving her for wrecking his car was never going to happen so she had might as well be more careful now that she had ever been with anything in her life before. She hated how one little thing had managed to ruin everything for them. Life was definitely not one for giving them a break on anything. Except this wasn't something that they could just work out on and then everything would go back to normal. It was never going back to normal from now on. Hell, there was no possible way that it would be slightly normal. Sabina sighed loudly as she continued to drive around for just a little while longer before pulling into the parking lot at the local diner in town, spotting him right away. She let out a sigh of relief as she parked his car and got out, slipping on the sweatshirt while she did so. She didn't know what to do as she walked towards him. What was she supposed to say? Nothing, of course. What was there to say? She simply just help out a hand to him as she stood in front of him, uttering, “Let's get some coffee,”

[/center]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

The spiky-haired brunette heard his car before he saw it. Of course it was his car, he’d recognize that low purr anywhere. Which meant Sabina was driving it, who else would have his keys? He wasn’t angry that she took his car… He was a little worried she’d heard his argument… After all, she’d only have heard half of it, not the other half. He couldn’t remember exactly what he said, but he was sure that it didn’t sound great. He didn’t even bother hoping that she hadn’t heard the argument; why else would she be out in his car… Looking for him. Of course, that was an assumption, but really why else would she be out at this time? He pulled his gaze from the sidewalk beneath him to watch the car approach with a hollow expression. He followed it with his dull, muddy-colored eyes as it parked in the lot. He lowered them as the front door opened, focusing on the gray cement under him rather than the woman approaching. Why? Well, for starters he was still angry about his argument. He was also embarrassed that she’d heard the whole or part of the thing. And last because he knew that she probably wasn’t going to take his bullshit about the baby being fine anymore… He’d worked hard to try and keep his feelings to himself and that was about to blow sky high too. Way to go Vesper.

“I don’t want coffee,” He muttered in response, pushing to his feet while ignoring the hand offered. It was bad enough that she had found him curled up against the wall like a child, he didn’t need help. Or coffee. “You should be in bed, sleeping,” He mumbled quietly, keeping his gaze averted as he reached back to brush the dirt off the back of his jeans. He used his other hand to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose a little more before they slid right off. He felt awful… He really did. Not only because of the whole issue at hand, but also because he felt like a slob. His hair was dishevelled and slacking, he was wearing his glasses as well as an old black sweater from his last tour, what band wore their own merchandise? It didn’t matter that they now lived in a town; he still liked to look his best before being in public… Even if the public was asleep. Then again, he was dressed perfectly to match his mood. Wasn’t he? He rana hand through the sulking spikes on his head and took a slow breath, trying to force any and all angry feelings out. He didn’t want to snap, he was not going to snap at Sabina.

“How much… How much did you hear?” He asked in a low tone, shoving his hands into his pockets, fixing his gaze on his shoes. He was wearing black converse he noted with little interest. Scoffed, dirty old converse. He really wanted her to say ‘What are you talking about?’ to have not heard anything. He wanted her to have gotten up, noticed him missing and went to find him. But he could tell by her tone of voice that she had indeed heard him. So much for having the whole phone conversation when she was in bed… He knew he should have gone outside, or really anywhere but inside the house.

He finally bucked up the courage to look up, letting his gaze rest on her face with a small, soft frown. “If you heard the part about New York… I don’t mean it that way,” He told her, his voice quiet and a little more hollow. In a way, he did regret coming back. If he’d just stayed away none of this would have happened. He’d be in L.A. recording right now and Sab would be back in New York with her friends while she tried to set up a studio. But he didn’t want her to think he regretted anything with her. He obviously regretted one night of the whole ordeal, but the rest of it was not the least bit regretted. He did love her, he always had. He might have shoved the love away and replaced it with friendly love… But he’d always loved her in some way. That wasn’t about to change because they were in the middle of a wee problem. A wee problem he wasn’t handling well.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:LINK ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina pulled back the outstreched hand, crossing both her arms over her chest. She couldn't pin point how she was feeling at that moment. Defeated a little bit, to have her help be turned away like it was nothing. It was as if he did not understand that she was just trying to help him. Why? Because she loved and cared for him. But as always he never made it easy to think that someone would actually do that and that caused her blood to boil just a little bit. If he felt guilty, the so be it. If he didn't want her to bring it up then hell, she wouldn't breathe a word of it until it was an appropriate time or she would just keep quiet about it. But she was hurt and trying not to be selfish at the moment. If she wanted to she would have been curled up in bed and feeling sorry for herself but instead she was here, trying to get just a small reaction out of him. But nothing. She wasn't going to say anything, that was for sure. He was already steamed enough, she didn't need him to go off on her as well, mostly because she wasn't going to take it just like that, she'd rebuttal.

She has just shrugged off his first coment, at the moment not really taking to mind what he wanted. Part of her wanted to be angry with him, she really did but couldn't exactly find it easy to do a damn thing. She wanted to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be fine. But that was just it, it wasn't going to be fine. It was never going to be fine. Nor did she want to make an effort to make it that way. She was just tired of having to deal with it all. Sabina always hated it when things happened around her and for her to not have a say in what was going on but now, to her surprise, that was exactly what she wanted to happen. For someone else that wasn't her or Vesper to take control of the situation and just go with it. Most of all, she wanted to have freedom and be a kid again, to not have to worry about things like this. It was beyond what she was used to doing, that being dealing with friend dramatics and such. But a baby and a relationship that she dubbed as failing. “I'm twenty years old, I don't have a bed time. Besides, I couldn't sleep,” she said dryly.

“I think I heard enough..” was all she said. It was the truth. If that was what he really felt and what he was mean then that was it. What else was there to hear? Of course there wouldn't have been any good in that conversation.. why would there be? Nothing was going well for them and she didn't expect them to go down that way either. As far as she knew, she was planning on being miserable these next couple of months and hope that she would figure out what she would have to do to get them all on a better track. She had no idea where to begin that was for sure. She didn't want either of them to have the feeling of being low or guilt. Which was surprising since usually it was only fair to have the one who caused the problem to feel that specific way.. but they were both clearly at fault. One, for sure, cannot get pregnant on their on same way to impregnate.

Sabina met his eyes, worried a bit as he spoke. Everything made her nervous these days and her nerves were just on the fritz since mood swings kicked in every now and then. “Are you saying this because you mean it or is it because I know that you said it,” she said lowly. She didn't want to say it.. but she wanted to know the truth. She had already figured out that things were not okay with the whole baby situation so what the heck, she might as well have just figured out the truthful answer to everything else.

[/center]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

“I know you don’t have a bed time…” He grumbled in response to her dry reply to his concern. He might not have been a paediatrician or a doctor but he knew that it wasn’t good on an everyday person’s body to be staying up as late as it was. Nevermind when you were pregnant. Of course, he wasn’t about to say that because he didn’t want to get chewed out for it. The last thing he wanted her thinking, was that he was thinking of the pregnancy like an illness. He just worried about her… Wasn’t that normal? To be concerned and over thoughtful of what your sweetheart did while she was pregnant. Ugh… He thought bitterly to himself. What he wouldn’t give to just rewind time, go back to the start of the Bahamas trip that pretty much started all this. He shouldn’t have started the relationship… All it was doing was hurting them both. He wasn’t exactly sure how Sabina was feeling, but he was miserable. He loved her, and wanted to be with her… But he wasn’t sure he could deal with this whole baby thing for much longer. Of course he didn’t use his mother’s first advice, there was no way he’d allow abortion. That was twisted and wrong in his mind, so he’d told his mother straight out that he wasn’t even thinking about suggesting that. Of course, that only ticked her off more… “I just don’t want you to get sick or something,”

Heard enough? What was that supposed to mean? Did she hear it all then? Or just part? Did she come in for the end, or leave after the first few words? He wanted to pry further, find out exactly what she heard him say… But he didn’t. He nodded silently, looking rather sullen. Things seemed so negative now… He hated it. He hated the useless, hopeless feeling that seemed to engulf him every time he saw a kid, or heard mention of a baby… But he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t the baby’s fault, it was his. He’d screwed himself over, and screwed Sab over and now was trying to deal with it. It’d be heroic if he were capable of doing much more than moping around town all day to try and distract himself from his worries of the future. Not just his either… He was sure he was going to need a real job… Even if he wasn’t kicked out, he couldn’t tour and go to L.A. if there was a baby here or in New York. He’d have to quit or convince the band to relocate… Sabina could hardly get her studio going if they had to worry about raising a child. Then there was the kid. Just great, being born to an unmarried couple who’ve been dating about as long as it’s been in existence… Not to mention it’s Dad’ll be a wash out pop sensation. Great thing to be proud of, eh?

Vesper hated the worry in Sabina’s eyes. He absolutely hated that she had to ask whether he meant what he said. Sure, they hadn’t exactly been perfectly honest with one another, but they had been working that out… Before the whole baby issue popped up. It was like being at square one again, but like someone hand cuffed them together. He didn’t want to lie to her, and he wanted her to be honest with him… It was hypocritical since he’d been lying for the past few months, but he didn’t think they’d go for much longer before Sab squeezed the truth out of him. He pushed all the sour thoughts and the bitter argument away, stepping closer to her. He reached out to brush the back of his knuckles against her cheek. “I mean it. I love you, I love New York and I’m going to love the baby… I just wonder if it’d be better if I hadn’t come back.” He told her slowly, drawing his hand back with a half-attempt at a smile. Our baby. He mentally corrected, unable to say the words himself.

“It’s selfish to only think about what I wanted… I didn’t really put anyone else’s lives into concern before I flounced back into town on my white steed,” He said slowly, his failed attempt at a smile fading away quickly. “This isn’t really coming out the way I want it to… I’ve never been happier than I am with you, but maybe it would have been better for you if I hadn’t come back.” He said, figuring that was as close to his thoughts as he was going to get. He let his hazel (though more brown that evening) gaze drop once more, focusing on the sidewalk, rather than see the reaction in Sabina’s face. He hated himself for saying it… But it was true. She wouldn’t be pregnant before twenty-one… She’d be working on her studio, not hiding away in some town. Maybe she’d even have a guy that deserved her, one that didn’t force her into rehab… So many ‘what-if’s and ‘what could have been’s…

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:LINK ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina knew very well that he cared about her well being, but it didn't help when it felt like he was just trying to push her away. She wanted to help him with what he needed but it wasn't helping that they would try to shut each other out. “I'm not going to get sick all of the sudden..” she said, hoping that it was true. She still wasn't sure if what had happened was an illness but whatever it had been was obviously not going to be any good for the baby. If they thought that her being pregnant was bad enough, loosing the baby was going to be that much worse. It may have only been four months old but she loved this baby and wouldn't bear to live with herself if anything bad ever happened to him or her.

Vesper obviously had no idea how wrong he was. Did he think that her life would have just been perfect if he had never came back? Only in her dreams. Before he had come back into him life, she was miserable and just going along with the flow. That was it, she hadn't been extremely happy of anything of the sort. If he had not come back then she would still be at that loft with people she thought she barely knew enough about to consider friends, be following them around at parties trying to be responsible with them like no one had been for her. Then he had come back.. despite the fights and the bickering and them feeling as they they couldn't stay each other sometimes, she was happy because she knew that when she'd turn around, he was going to be there. Same thing went for their trip to the Bahamas. She maybe have been fighting with him but she knew that he was right on the other side of the door.

“You know that's not true. Nothing would be better or worse with you here. I just need to know that we're making the right decisions. We can barely take care of ourselves.. how are we going to take care of a baby?” she asked. She hated the feeling of being helpless when it came to how things would go with this baby. She wasn't ready for this, she never thought she would be ready to take on the responsibility of another life who would depend on them for every little thing that came along. Hell, they had to annoy each other to make dinner for the evening let alone having to decipher everything that they'd need. The thoughts only made her worry more, feeling a prick at her eyes. She wasn't going to let herself cry at the moment, Vesper probably already felt as low as he possibly could and she was not going to add to that. Not now. He had went from pissed to helplessness all in less than an hour, she wasn't going to throw in guilty as well. As if she didn't already screw up a bunch of things, why put in something else.

She didn't want to have these kinds of things, Sabina didn't want him having a yelling match with his mother every single time she decided to spark one up. Tired of feeling guilty and like they had screwed themselves over for the rest of their lives when it was something that was supposed to bring them closer. Wasn't that what a baby meant? That the couple would get closer and love each other much more than they already did. She wanted to be happy with him, she didn't really think that she could be if he wasn't back with her. “You aren't selfish about it, how is coming back to New York something that would affect someone's life, if not for the better? I wouldn't be happy if you were right here with me to help me out. I love you, and no matter what could happen, nothing will change that.” she rambled on, willing to go on more if she had to though she figured he might have gotten the point. “Your life.. your music and lot of other things are not over just because of this baby. I'm not going to let anything stop you from doing what you love. This is all about sacrifices right? Well I'm willing to do anything to make sure that you are at your happiest.” she promised whole heartedly.

[/center]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

How are we going to take care of a baby?… she pretty much echoed the same question that had been bashing his skull for the past few months. He’d been trying to tell himself that they could do it, that they could raise a baby… But he knew Sabina hadn’t told her folks yet and pretty much got the boot from his mother… They were completely on their own, if they’d had help maybe he wouldn’t be so scared. He didn’t know how to answer her… Was he supposed to say ‘We’ll manage, everything will be fine,’ like he always did? He figured she hadn’t really been believing him then, and definitely wouldn’t now. It’d been a long time since he’d looked after anyone but himself, years and years… Back when his brother was little. He and Sab were both going to be completely on a new slate with the kid. It annoyed him. Sure, he’d thought about kids… But it had never been like this. In his imagination he’d always been about twenty-eight, married a year and living in a small house just outside of New York. He definitely hadn’t wanted to have one nine months after his twenty-first birthday. That didn’t mean there weren’t options… He refused to consider abortion, but that was an option still. Then there was always adoption… But both thoughts just seemed wrong. What would the kid think when they were told they were adopted? Would they think their parents didn’t care? Because as much as he wished that he wasn’t going to be a father, he did care. He was confused and scared, but he did care.

“Maybe we can’t… And maybe we’re underestimating ourselves,” He replied quietly after a long silence of thought. He didn’t know if they could do it, honestly he barely managed to take care of himself. But one thing he’d been told was that parenting came naturally, that a lot of young couples surprised themselves. Sure, sure… He thought sarcastically to himself. His mother’s words ran through his head, like on repeat as if just to mock him and his fears. She’d assured him that this was the biggest mistake he’d ever make in his life, told him he’d just ruined everything he worked for. His argument? That maybe mistakes wouldn’t happen if she’d actually been there for him. She doubted his ability to parent? She turned into a submissive cow when he was eleven, at least he’d know when his kid needed help… Then again, who was to say he wouldn’t be like his own Dad. Was that the thought that scared him the most? Probably. He’d even dreamt about it! Dreams had never woken him up, nightmares had never scared him as a kid. But these dreams had him waking up in the middle of the night, and they scared him.

Somehow, he didn’t believe that he wasn’t selfish. Maybe she said she was happy that he was back, but who was to say that was totally true. He came back, so she really wouldn’t know how happy she’d be if he hadn’t. He believed that she loved him, but he just wondered if he was the right one for her to love. He didn’t believe that everything was going to stay the same. Nothing would. Even if something happened and they lost the baby, this would always be a memory. Always follow him around for the rest of his life. That was why he refused to give abortion a thought, he didn’t want that haunting him. What if they did, and ten years from now he had another kid. How could he look at that child without feeling the regret of killing one of his own. It didn’t matter what they did, nothing would ever be the same as it was. He was about to comment on that very fact but her last sentence caught him by surprise.

“What do you mean… Sacrifice?” He asked her slowly, raising his gaze with a frown. Of course he knew she didn’t mean actually sacrificing herself… But what was she going to sacrifice for him? He didn’t want her to sacrifice anything for him. If she was talking about getting rid of the baby that was out of the question. She wanted the kid, he knew that. She might have been scared that they couldn’t raise it, but he could tell she wanted it. He couldn’t let her give that up, he wouldn’t force her to leave the baby behind. What kind of person would take away her happiness for their own goals and wants. No. He wasn’t the kind of guy to let her sacrifice anything for him.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:LINK ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Were they underestimating themselves? She wasn't sure. Maybe they could do it but maybe they really couldn't. She wasn't the world's greatest babysitter nor was she the worse.. she like kids and usually got along well with them. Maybe they could try babysitting an infant together to see how that would work out for them but something like this wasn't an experiment. It was too late to experiment, four months too late to be exact. She was scared out of her mind, she didn't want to do something wrong and hurt the kid whether it would be physical or emotionally. She never exactly lashed out either so maybe that was one thing to put on the pro list instead of the tons of things that had already been on the list of cons. It was fifty-fifty chance that they could actually do something good in this child's life but with their pessimistic attitudes their odds were beginning to go against them. That's why she had started to think about adoption. Have an established family or at least a couple that was ready for a child have the baby and give him or her what she and Vesper couldn't exactly give. Abortion was out of the question, she would never, ever even consider that no matter what. Hell, she'd much rather end her own life then end someone else. Especially some one that was defenseless. “Maybe we are.. and maybe we aren't. We should at least consider other options before we decide that this is what we have to do..”

Sabina rolled her eyes a bit as she tightened her crossed arms over her chest. How had he not know what she meant by sacrifices? It was why they were here. They had left New York to hide here of all places they could have been. Who was to say that someone wouldn't leak their whereabouts and then what? Would they just continue to always pick up and leave out of nowhere. She wanted to stay in a stable place. She wanted to be in New York with her friends, where her studio was and she wanted him to be there as well. They had given up their comfort in New York to try and get settled here. What were they supposed to do after? Were they going to raise a family here? Stay here for the rest of however long? “Sacrifices Vesper. Like being here instead of home. You being here instead of off in Los Angeles, recording and doing your thing. I'm not allowed to paint since fumes and things like that could hurt the baby. We've let go of things so important to us because we're trying to do the right thing, and we don't even know if we are doing what is best,”

Honestly, Sabina could care less what was best for her. She'd give up what ever she had to just to make sure that the June Bug had whatever they needed to have a wonderful life. She could promise material things but amazing parents were something she wasn't exactly sure of. To be better parents than her own, ones that actually cared what was going on with their child and to know when they needed help before it was too late. Of course it didn't help that they had no idea what was happening with their daughter. That was her own fault, of course. She refused to have any connections to them until it was seriously needed. Some may call her thick headed, but it wasn't the right time yet. They were still doing slightly okay but eventually she knew that their help was going to be needed. Not once since she had left home, did she need to run to them for their help and she was not going to start yet. All she would receive in return was criticism and reluctant help. This child is definitely going to have some great grandparents, she thought bitterly.

[/center]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,
I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave, [/center]

Other options. Vesper wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that. It made him feel guilty, it made him feel shameful. He really shouldn’t he to deal with other options, he was having a kid and should face it head on. It wasn’t that he didn’t like kids, he did. He just always liked it when he could spoil them and give them back, like his little cousin, Megan. She was in Australia now, but back when she’d been an infant he’d adored her. But having his own kid scared him. There were so many mistakes that could be made, so many things he could do wrong. There was the whole haunting abuse thing… Everyone said that people who were abused passed it on, and he really hated to think about that. What if he spoiled them and turned them into a brat. What if he didn’t give them enough attention and hated him. What if he dropped them?! But he hated to think of giving the kid away… Like it was something unwanted. He didn’t technically want a baby so to speak, but now that it was there, he couldn’t really say he was willing to just hand it off to some other family. It seemed cowardly to him. And as scared as he was… He wasn’t a coward. At least that’s what he liked to think about himself.

“Options, others? Like what? Abortion? I wouldn’t let you. Adoption? So what, they kid can think that she or he wasn’t wanted, wasn’t cared about?”He asked her, furrowing his brows slightly as he gazed down at her. He knew he was probably being a hypocrite against himself. One minute he’d call it the issue, the next he was getting all defensive over the kid. He felt guilty, he felt horrible. He didn’t want to put the kid up for adoption, he didn’t want the child to hit thirteen and be told he was adopted. Then what? Did Sab plan on just letting their child go live with complete strangers for the rest of their life? He didn’t know about her, but he did not want to live his life wondering how the kid was, wondering what the kid was thinking. Her words on sacrifices didn’t help to make him feel much better either. He did miss New York, he did miss L.A. and his band. He missed his old life, including before he came back to New York, at least then he didn’t have to worry about being a father then. He wouldn’t tell her that… He cared too much. He really did love her, he wanted to be in her life and be there for her… But it was hard and he wasn’t used to being responsible for other people. It had always been just looking after himself.

“Yeah, I made sacrifices. You made sacrifices because we had to. I can’t go to L.A. and just leave you alone in New York. What the hell kind of person would that have made me? I pulled you from New York because I don’t want you to have to deal with all the crap that this will cause with the fans and the media. I made sacrificing because I care about you and I care about that baby. If that’s not what’s best, I don’t know what is. If this isn’t what’s best what is? Leaving the poor kid on their own with strangers? Or maybe going back to New York, so they can be the next thing on every cover?” He asked her, keeping his tone level while his hazel eyes remained focused on her face. He hated the awkward mix of feelings that clouded his head. He didn’t want to be a father, but he was protective of the –his- kid. He didn’t want to go back to New York and face the music (no pun intended), but he absolutely loathed living in Ellsworth. What was he supposed to do? Especially when he was freaking out more than the one who was supposed to be hormone ridden.

“Look… You’ve never mentioned having doubts before tonight… And I suppose that’s because I was trying to hide my nerves for your sake. But I’m scared Sab. I’m friggin terrified. Not because we’re having a baby… I just don’t want to screw up,” He said quietly, feeling the words weigh down his chest a little. He hated admitting that. He hated throwing his doubt and worry into the mix, but he had to tell her eventually. And he figured that now was as good a time as any… Well maybe not, but it sort of tumbled out before he could stop it. “It’s not that I don’t want to try, so don’t think that… I’m just scared I’ll mess up again.”

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:LINK ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina never wanted this child to think that it was not cared for. It was crazy how much she did care about him or her. But she had no idea what to do either. Maybe she needed someone else's opinion.. like an actual parents opinion. Sadly that didn't include either of their parents. Honestly, she wasn't very sure what was going on between Vesper and his parents and she wasn't going to touch the subject with a ten foot pole. What for? So she could get a denial, brush off or no answer in the end. Lately it was getting better just to not ask and she was starting to not have a problem with that. She didn't want it to seem like she just wanted to get rid of it as if it were a problem but there was obviously options that were better for the baby that the two of them wouldn't be able to do. She wasn't about to let Vesper give up music and let it go as if it had never happened. It had always been a huge thing for him. She could give her art a rest, but it would always be there. Being in music was a lot more sensitive, one minute you were selling out huge arenas and the next you were old news. Sabina wanted him to have his music as long as possible.

“Then what are we supposed to do Vesper? Spend the rest of out lives in this loser town because of one little thing. I don't want to be here, okay? I would like to be back at home as selfish as it sounds it's true. And I know you don't want to be here anymore than I want to. Can we please think about this. At least take it into consideration or something. There's probably a family out there that can give this baby everything we can't,” She said quietly. Of course she didn't mean things like money and possessions because if that was what parenting was all about then they would have been excellent parents. But things like a happy family that lived in a quaint house with a white picket fence and all that good stuff. She could picture that perfectly for the baby but never anything that involved Vesper and herself. Maybe they just weren't meant to actually have this baby.. She couldn't possibly picture with a child.

Of course she had doubts about the whole situation before. She had them every single day since the stupid pregnancy test came out positive. And here he thought that she had no doubts about the baby? She was terrified that she would do something wrong and something would happen to the child. She didn't know how to be a mom, she didn't even have a clue how to start. She was fine with doing things wrong in everyday life, it was part of going on day by day but this was another human being. A defenseless, little child that would be under her inexperienced care. It scared the hell out of her to think of that and she did think of it often. She'd be lying in bed and the thought would hit her out of nowhere. She would be a terrible mother, she could just tell that she was not fit to take care of anyone, she could barely even take care of herself.

“I know you're scared Ves, I certainly don't expect you to be calm, collected and ready for a baby. I'm not either, you don't have to hide it. Now that I know what you've actually been feeling you're going to have me second guessing every 'okay' and 'fine' that you say to me because I know it's not true..” She didn't want him to think that she didn't trust him, it was just the fact that she didn't know what what true and which wasn't. “Don't fight me on this, but to screw up again. You would have had to mess up a first time,”

[/center]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; eh..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

He didn’t want to stay in this ‘loser town’. He hated it. He hated how few people there were, the silence and the lack of things to do. He hated that the nearest Starbucks was two hours away. He’d made it pretty damn clear that he hated Ellsworth. He’d tried it out with a neutral thought, hoping he’d start to like it, but it never grew on him. He was a city boy, he always had been. He needed the lights, the cars, the noise, the crime rate. He needed to have a Starbucks within walking distance. But he’d put aside his needs for her. For the baby. Why? Because he knew what happened to celebrity babies. He didn’t want to be followed around more than normal, he didn’t want Sab to be followed around constantly while the media measured their guess on the baby’s age. And when the kid was born, Vesper didn’t want a press crew to follow them around trying to get pictures. Not that he could even imagine himself around New York with a baby… He could barely picture himself holding a baby, nevermind his own.

“I never said we had to stay here forever. If you are so against living here, why’d you do it? I hate being here as you said; I moved to protect you and the baby. If you think it’s a better idea to pack up and go back to New York, fine.” He said, already feeling his temper beginning to burn at the back of his throat. He tried to push it away, bottle it up and keep it away. He didn’t want to snap at Sab, he didn’t want to yell at her and say something he did mean. Last time he’d done that he’d felt guilty for days, and it was online. He definitely didn’t want to yell in her face. “So… You want to leave our baby with a couple of strangers, just because they can do something we can’t. Give the baby what exactly? The financial angle isn’t a problem and I’m pretty sure that the whole paternal instincts will make sure the baby gets love, ” He asked frowning, still thinking his voice sounded a little harsher than he’d have liked. But that was ticking him off. He understood part of it, they were young and pretty damn inexperienced when it came to kids. But it wasn’t as if money was an issue and he was pretty sure both of them would love the kid enough. Sure, he had his doubts on the actual raising… They’d need help, they’d need pointers and suggestions. He was sure she hadn’t spoken to her parents and he knew at the moment his mother was pissed. But he had a feeling once she saw the baby, or saw pictures of the baby that she’d warm up.

As if to add to the whole great mood Vesper was in, now Sabina was going to doubt him. Excellent. he thought bitterly to himself. That was exactly what they needed, for her not to trust his words. He brought it on himself, but it still just helped to fuel the temper he was trying to keep from boiling over. What was he supposed to say to that. She was pretty much saying that she wasn’t going to believe what he said anymore, so really she didn’t trust him. His words to his mother rang through his head and he believed them even more. He did regret going back to New York. He regretted starting his relationship with Sabina. He loved her, he really did but he couldn’t help but know that she’d be better off if he hadn’t come back. Perhaps her life wasn’t perfect, but it had to be better than this. Better than being pregnant, better than not trusting your best friend, better than living in a crappy little town in the middle of no where… And why did all this happen? Him. Right on, Ves. Give yourself a pat on the back, you ruined her life He thought to himself, tightening his bottom jaw a little.

“Fine. I won’t fight you about it.” He muttered quietly. Really, he could name a few mistakes he’d made. First, he’d ditched her to hit the big time. Second he came back into her life. And three he’d managed to screw their relationship up before it even kicked off. But he was too tired to fight her on it… He didn’t want to fight about anything with her. He didn’t want to be angry with her, or have her angry with him. He just wanted to curl up on the couch with her, eat popcorn and watch stupid movies like they did in high school. “But you really should be in bed sleeping.”

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:LINK ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

It was as if they had traded places.. one day he's the one with all the doubts and worries but now the tables had turned and she was freaking out, lost her cool and was practically losing it. She felt like crying and hiding away for a while. Sabina didn't know what to say.. She wanted to go back home, but knew she couldn't. They'd come to Ellsworth to protect her? She was only here because she thought it was the best for him and his reputation, his career! He was getting angry, that she knew for sure. He may not have been able to read her but she had always been able to read him like a book she had already read a million times. As much as she didn't want a fight to start, she wasn't going to say a word. Of course that would probably make him more angry but what was she to say. She had no point and no reasoning to fight with and yet Vesper had all the answers to everything and explanation and solution to just about everything. And that had just irked her more than it should. Like she was useless compared to him. What would that say about their parenting style? She was the mother, with that came maternal instinct and yet here she was willing to give away the child as if it didn't matter at all.

Not once had she thought that this was all a mistake but of course reality would hit her sometime sooner or later and apparently her life had chosen that now, in the midst of what seemed to be an argumentative and failing relationship. She had now decided that it was a bad idea, a huge mistake, wishing that it had never happened. The want to be back at home and just watching movies with him and every fight and stupid argument had never happened. Just the hormones.. it'll get better. She thought. She was the reason they were here when he could have just left back to Los Angeles instead of hanging around and hiding away here in Minnesota when she really just wanted to be just the two of them back in New York and as if this had never happened. They had never slept with each other and they had never even raised their voices at one another. And here they were, at roughly two in the morning, arguing about an unborn child in front of a closed diner. What the hell was wrong with them? It was this whole relationship that had gotten them here and for the first time she was actually regretting it.

“I just think.. that maybe we need to think about this. Not here, not right now. But we need to see what would be for the best and include everything. It may seem like a good idea now but who knows what this will be like five months from now. Are we still going to be thinking the same thing? There's probably a family that could take really good care of this baby. Someone who knows what its like to have a child and care for it. I'm not saying we give up right away, but we need to keep it mind. We can't ruin someone's life if we're not sure what to do. What do you say?” She asked him. She wasn't asking for his instant approval nor did he have to say anything a week later. But to at least have the thought in the back of his mind for a while..

And they were back to her being asleep.. Had he just expected her to not ever figure out about this problem? That he was just okay all the time and she would just think that everything would always be fine and dandy. That everything was just perfect and it would all work out in the end with them being happy with a baby and have a happily ever after. Apparently not. What the hell had she been thinking to think that a relationship with Vesper would be perfect. Best friends that loved each other and then everything was great. Honestly, she felt defeated. No point in fighting anymore and from now on she's just follow what he said. Leave no room for fights of any sort. She'd be perfectly submissive and leave it at that. “Let's go then..” she mumbled, turning back to the car.

[/center]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

He didn’t get it. She suddenly wanted to put the baby up for adoption? Since when… He couldn’t remember ever having that be something of consideration. Then again, he should have guessed that it would come up sooner or later. He nearly laughed at himself… One minute he was uptight and panicking because he wasn’t ready for a kid… Then adoption comes up and he’s against it. Did that make sense to him? Not in the slightest. Maybe she was right, maybe there was a family out there that was more experienced with raising a baby. Maybe trying to raise him or her on their own would be trouble. He knew it’d be hard, and he didn’t want to screw the kid’s life up… But he didn’t exactly want to just ditch it, pretend it never happened. She made it pretty obvious that this wasn’t where she wanted to discuss it and he couldn’t have agreed more so. It was two in the morning, they were both tired and he for one was almost fuming. He didn’t want to get angry, didn’t want to say something he didn’t mean so he chose not to give a verbal response at first, just a quick, curt nod. What choice did they have, they would have to discuss it later. But by the time that came, who was to say what would happen. When would they discuss it? A month away, two? So many things could happen in that time. They could have a gender. A nickname… Who knew. All he knew was it seemed the longer that couples went, the more attached they grew. That would really only make it harder. “Fine. We’ll talk about it later,”

He knew his whole stand and attitude was his mother rubbing off on him. She’d been left alone at his age with a baby, the baby being himself. She’d been living off a part time job teaching piano to kids while she attended university. She still with her parents but they’d kicked her out when she’d gotten pregnant. The Carter family was very old fashioned, and hadn’t approved. She’d dropped out of school, opened a piano school in her home and raised Vesper. Of course two years later she ended up with another baby… She’d ground a lot of things into Vesper’s head, and he’d been good at using her advice. She taught him how to be a gentleman, how to catch a lady’s attention without needing to be buff and bulky. And then he’d gone and done the same thing his Dad did, the one thing his mother had wanted him to not do. The difference was that he wasn’t leaving Sabina, not unless she kicked him to the curb, and even then he’d help her. He still wondered if he’d ever get his mother on his side. He knew Sab didn’t really see eye-to-eye with her folks, and something told him she wasn’t about to turn to them for advice. Ves knew his mom loved Sabina (she’d have loved anyone who befriended him) and wished she was a little more understanding. The could use at least one adult’s advice…

He was relieved when she agreed to go home. He’d half been expecting an argument, and was more than pleased it didn’t happen. He moved to follow her towards his car, forcing himself to smother the temper that was now slowly fading. He opened the passenger side for her, then moved around the front of the Audi, pausing to eye the area of the hood he smacked earlier. He brushed a finger over the cool hood, glad to see there wasn’t anything more than half a hand print. Wouldn’t a dent have just made his day… Night? Whatever. Not that he was sure he could dent a car with his fist and not know it was dented by how much his hand would hurt. He’d been raised a pianist, not a boxer. Though there were a few times he’d gotten into the odd beef… And usually came off worse. Not only because he was smaller, but also because he didn’t exactly have a lot of practice under his belt. In high school, he’d lived by the words ‘Keep your head down and it’ll stay attached’.

He pulled open his door and moved to slide in, only to pause and turn towards her, resting an arm along the top of the vehicle. “Sab… I’m sorry,” He said quietly, frowning. He knew she’d say something along the lines of ‘don’t be’ or ‘what for’, so he continued on without waiting. “I’m sorry you had to hear me and my Mom. I’m sorry I kept you up so late with the argument. I’m sorry you had to come out here and find me…” He listed off, his frown growing with each apology. He felt like a broken record, always apologizing for something. He didn’t understand how she put up with him, it was ridiculous. He’d been told he was a diva, annoying and he had too many enemies to count. Why the hell did she stay with him, because all he seemed to see was that he kept screwing up. Everytime he tried to fix something, or help get them closer it ended up blowing in his face with an apology in it’s wake. He didn’t wait for her reply before sliding into the car, shutting the door behind him with one hand.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:LINK ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

It was amusing.. Amusing that they seemed to apologize to each other more than they actually said I love you or something along those lines. She knew that he meant the apology, and she was accepting it. Did he have to give one? No, of course not. If she hadn't decided to go out and look for him this would have happened so she was partly to blame for the argument that they had gotten into. And she had wanted to come out here and look for him. Just to make sure that he was okay and that he wouldn't get himself into trouble. She cared about him and was just looking to see that he had what he deserved. Did she think that she was what was best for him? Absolutely not.. Vesper really needed someone who wouldn't fight with him over every little thing. Someone who could really make him happy and didn't stir up a conflict every other day. Someone who wouldn't have gotten them into the situation that they were currently in.. Why he hadn't left her to find someone more fitting of dating the Vesper Monroe, he was here. Apologizing to her.

She had gotten lucky.. she really had. Sabina was amazed that he had even put up with her for this long and she loved him for that. At least this way she knew she was not the only one working on trying to keep this relationship going. It actually kind of made her feel a bit better about the situation. Not a hundred percent and maybe not even fifty percent but at least this way she knew that he wasn't going to shut her out for a while.. At least she hoped he wouldn't. She had already been feeling insanely alone all the time but at least now it would be a little bit different.. maybe. She wasn't going to force anything to change unless he wanted it to now. She was unknowingly giving him all control to their relationship, with a few exceptions and such, of course. She figured that it would help them out for a little while. This way they would stop butting heads so much and actually just go with a decision instead of spending all their time fighting over what was a better decision and what was not to be done at all.

“You don't have to apologize. They were things way out of your control and it was partly my fault anyways. So don't worry about it, it's fine,” she said to him, giving a slight smile. She didn't want him to feel bad about what had just happened and letting it dwell would not help either of them. So it was better to just move along, maybe the morning would be better. Get some sleep and hope that neither of them would bring up the subject of what they could decide to do about the baby. But as far as she knew, right now they would be keeping him or her. She was scared to try, that she would admit but that didn't mean she didn't want to try and raise the child just the two of them. And if they thought they couldn't, then they could always get someone to help out or take some classes or try whatever they could find to assist them to give the kid a normal life as possible.. “We should just put this behind us, start over somewhat new,” she suggested, it'd be for the better that way and maybe he'd agree.

--

It was another one of those morning.. Afternoons.. in which she didn't even want to pull herself out of bed. Really, she had no specific reason. Just the thought of having to get up and doing something productive. She hadn't really done anything majorly productive since they had moved in actually.. Vesper was right she was turning into a couch potato, though she preferred the bed. Sabina kicked off the covers, lifting her shirt just over the bump. She had definitely underestimated how big she would get and how long it was going to take to get to a size. Of course this was all the baby but how did Vesper even find her mildly attractive? Especially after all the beautiful girls he had met or dated, another reason why she believed that there was someone much better for him.. Though she wouldn't argue about it, if he loved her why would it even matter and who was she to fight him on his preferences in a girl?

[/center]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Vesper wasn’t entirely sure how the things he was apologizing for were out of his control… For one thing, if he’d had more than a little common sense and listened to his mother in the first place, they wouldn't be in Ellsworth. They wouldn’t be expecting a baby, nevermind arguing about it. Or considering starting over new… Again. What was that, the third or forth time they’d do that? He didn’t get it… He had never had this much arguing, bickering, or problems in any of his other relationships. They’d seemed so very simple… And yet… When he and Sab weren’t fighting, he’d never been happier. Even when they were fighting, he was happy it was her, not one of his exes. It didn’t matter how many times they fought, how many arguments went by, he didn’t want to give her up. Was that selfish? Yes. He was sure there were a million guys out there that would be better for her. Guys that didn't ditch her for three years, guys that wouldn't get her into this mess.. Guys that wouldn’t cause so many fights, guys that knew how to take better care of her... For some reason, she wanted him… Or at least she did. He wasn’t entirely sure what to think these days, which was half the reason he’d been avoiding the house. The other half was boredom. Maybe he was being insecure and paranoid but he couldn’t help it. Was it normal for a guy to feel so insecure when he had a baby on the way, ike everything he did was wrong? He didn’t know… And didn’t know anyone he could even ask. He certainly wasn’t going to call up his Dad for advice on the matter… Some little kid on the street with a younger sibling would probably give better advice. “Sure…” He said quietly. Did he agree? He wasn’t entirely sure… But it was better just to agree and get her home.

-------

He could tell instantly that he had been up far too late writing for his body. When he was touring, late nights had never been a problem, same with back in New York. He was always the first up and out of bed, no matter what time he’d gone to sleep. Since moving to Ellsworth he’d been able to just sleep as long as he wanted, which had in turn screwed up his entire system. Late nights killed him if he got up at a decent time. Which that morning he did… He’d had a nightmare again and jolted himself awake. He hadn’t had nightmares since he was a kid, but they’d come back lately and it bothered him. It was usually the same one, there were always differences but the whole gist was always the same. He pushed it out of his head and immediately headed downstairs for coffee. If there was something that helped wake him up it was coffee. Kahlua followed closely to his heels as he quietly moved down the stairs towards the kitchen, silent except for the jingling of the dog’s collar and the clicking of her claws. She’d been quite unhappy that her spot on the bed had been taken, but still insisted she sleep nearby. A moment later another much larger dog was on his heels too. It was hilarious that Kahlua liked Tony more than Sabina… He was proud to say he knew how to use a coffee maker like a pro now, and did his usual routine. He let Sabina sleep, and got his coffee going. While it brewed he fed the dogs and got himself a bowl of cereal. That was how he pleased the inner child. Fruit Loops.

Once finished that little routine he hooked up his little yorkie mutt for her walk. After a moment’s consideration, he hooked up Tony too. Sabina was hardly in the condition to take a horse like Tony for a walk… He didn’t go far. Normally he’d have taken as long as he wanted to walk either dogs, he was far too bored sitting in the house. But today he wanted to be home when Sab woke up. It was sort of a new idea, a new plan he was putting into effect. He’d been doing a crappy job of looking after her and was definitely going to correct that. He’d show the world he could do this. Once home, he released the hounds and headed inside, aiming for the living room. He didn’t feel like T.V. so he snatched up his song book and started jotting ideas down for songs on the go.

He lost track of time while writing, and despite his lack of muse for writing he was put into a good mood (The four cups of coffee helped). His hand paused as a creak issued from above him, causing him to lift his gaze skyward. There was another creak which tended to mean someone was up and moving around on the bed. You didn’t really hear it up there, just when you were downstairs. He put the book aside, and pushed to his feet, moving towards the kitchen. Once there he poured a cup of coffee and fixed it up the way Sabina usually took it. That was one advantage to living with Vesper Monroe, there was always fresh coffee... He rana hand through his hair, stiffling a yawn then headed upstairs. He pushed the door open whith his back then flipped to let his more hazel (though more green that afternoon) gaze rest on her. Was she looking at the baby bump? Oh no... He thought to himself. He knew that girls didn’t like gaining weight and despite the fact it was the baby, he couldn't help wonder if it would bother her... He wasn't a pro at pregnancy but he knew they weren't halfway there yet and she was only going to get bigger... Who was he kidding, the girl had always been a thin, little thing and he had a feeling she wasn't going to like not being thin. He hated the thought of her feeling self concious about it, in his eyes it didn't matter whether she had a belly or not, she was still beautiful. He smiled as he approached the bed, offering her the coffee before flopping to sit beside her. He leaned over, tenderly brushing his lips against her temple “Good morning,” He spoke quietly, amused at really what time it was.

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Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

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And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open