-SABINA- I Ain't Perfect

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina really didn't like the sound of him giving up.. that could mean so many things and it obviously got the wheels turning in her head. She knew that high school was plenty hard for some people, for some more than others. But the thought of Vesper offing himself really scared her. Maybe it was different. She loved him now, actual love. Unlike how it was back in high school, back then it was a best friend kind of love. And even if she didn't know him before that, she still would have felt awful and a bit lost. She had never spoken to him much before the day she finally got the courage to. Mostly just to ask for the page numbers of homework she had missed or if he had an extra pen. But she knew him in the slightest bit. She could read people a lot easier than she had always thought. And yes, with all the crap that he got at school, it would eventually lead to retaliation. If she was in his shoes, suicide would have been the way out, it was suspected and thrown in her face once or twice in her life so far, but not for him. Music was his ticket out of hell. Going from being picked on to every girl wanting to be on you arm, yeah, she could say she noticed the change easily.

She had actually helped him? Really.. Back then she thought she was being a nuisance for him and got the vibe that he thought she was only around him as some horrid prank or something along the lines of that. But it really wasn't. Her 'friends' may have been that cruel but she definitely wasn't even close. Which is exactly why she ditched them to hang out with him. If that was what stopped him then she couldn't help but feel as though she had done something right. Though she had never really thought of him being too bitter. She knew bitter and she definitely did not see it in him. Unlike herself, who had always been the definition on the word. In a way, she had felt bad for him though, to not be able to know who was really trying to be his friends and who were just plotting to make him look like a tool. Of course, those were never her intentions. Yeah, people did try to talk her into doing so. But she had gotten his trust why throw it away by doing something she really didn't want to? Sabina didn't want to hurt him.. not then and not now. “You weren't that bitter,” she told him as she pushed his hair back. “If you say it's not a bad thing, I believe you,”

As she talked to some people in town, some would tell her that the fresh feeling of love and how happy they seemed to be wouldn't last forever. She begged to differ, seeing as her heart still skipped a beat with each and every kiss that they shared, no matter how quick the kiss was or how passionate it could be. It was just a constant reminder that he was hers and only hers and it was impossible to say how much she just loved that thought. It made her forget about all that was less than pleasant at the moment, turn her bad mood straight around though she hated how she could never stop smiling after it. It was as if she was still some school girl that was still getting used to being kissed. She should have been, just not by him. It was real and always left a spark behind that made her long for another and another. “Sometimes I wonder if you get it or not. You don't need to be a big, flashy musician for me to love you. You could still be a major dork, which you are by the way, but I'd love you either way,” She told him, meaning every word that she had said. She could imagine that most girls would have gotten with him just for the public affection or the perks that came with dating a high profile celebrity. But Sabina didn't want any of that, she just wanted to be with him. Even if it meant that they would be tucked away in some little valley town in the middle of nowhere.

A grin formed as he pulled her against his chest, happy just to be a little bit more closer to him. She couldn't say that she didn't feel like the luckiest girl in the world that afternoon, even just sitting in bed with him was amazing and there was nothing that she would trade it for. She never really thought that this is what he had wanted back when they were in school, she thought it was just her and she was dreaming a little too big. Apparently, she was wrong. And never had she loved being wrong so much. “I really had no idea, but I did love you back then and I do now. We're perfect for each other,” She said, taking his hand from around her and lacing their fingers, holding it up for him to see how perfectly they fit with one another.

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; oy! So fluffly O.O
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Vesper? Not bitter? Well maybe not around her… But when she wasn’t around he’d usually had no reason to be all that happy. Especially when he’d first started hanging around with her, all the snide remarks about how she was just pitying him, or that it would end up some joke. He wasn’t entirely sure why trusted her, it could have been some stupid joke for all he knew. But really? He hadn’t cared, he figured if it was a joke, it was and he might as well just enjoy what it was like to have a friend. Guess the joke was on her old friends, huh? Ditched for the dork. A dork that felt his stomach jump the moment her fingers touched his hair. He loved it when she touched him, whether it be pushing his hair back or holding his hand. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling, he didn’t mind it in the least. He’d had the same thing back in high school the first few times she’d used him as a pillow during movies. He’d never really gotten the feeling with his past girlfriends… Except one. But that didn’t compare in his mind, she wasn’t Sabina. And right now, she was the only girl within his focus area. Whether he wanted to admit it or not… She always had. There had always been some part of him that longed for what they had that exact moment. Okay, so he probably hadn’t wanted the exact situation, but it was close enough for him. Sure, things weren’t perfect, but he’d never really expected his life to ever be perfect. In high school, the rock star dream was where he’d get perfect. Two months in and he knew that wasn’t the case. Things seemed like they could be perfect while he was in Nassau, he’d got back to New York with Sabina and everything would be closer to perfect… Wrong again. So perfect, he figured, didn’t exist. But sitting there with Sabina was about as close as he was ever going to get.

“So you’ll believe that it wasn’t bad, but won’t believe that I was bitter?” He asked her, his tone light. Not exactly teasing, but the question wasn’t really serious. He knew what she meant, it just sounded funny to him the way she said it. Then again, he wasn’t one to judge humour, his wasn’t stellar. He was glad she believed him though, he’d been worried about trust issues since the day they’d met back up. He hadn’t exactly done anything since leaving to gain her trust back… And yet, she seemed pretty good at forgiving him. He didn’t understand why… But he wasn’t about to complain or ask. Did he feel that was selfish? Yes. But did he want to try and talk to her about it and end up with her getting angry? No. So he’d let himself be selfish, and just enjoy what he had. Could anyone really blame him for it? He doubted that. Why poke and prod at something that they’d left behind, she’d moved on. Or she made it look like it, so he wasn’t going to go back there. He might have not have been a genius, but he knew when to leave a topic away.

“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m a major dork… Used to be, now I’m just a dork. But as you’ve told me a million times, I’m your dork and always have been.” He said, smiling down at her. That was still something that shocked him, that she loved his dorky side. She’d always seemed that way, she liked that he was a dork, that he was different and not self absorbed. “Though a lot of people would say the big flashy musician does have perks, doesn’t he?” he asked her, raising a brow with a cheeky smile. Of course, he knew what all those people thought, and though he’d like to say he didn’t care what they said, he did. But the truth was, he really only truly cared about one opinion. And hers had never once changed in the time he’d known her. He wished dearly that he’d have gotten the courage to tell her how he felt in high school, or vice versa. He could have feeling as happy as he was now, all through high school… Or maybe he didn’t wish that. It could have blown in their faces then, perhaps ruin her further then he did when he left. Having her best friend leave was hard enough, but her best friend AND boyfriend? He didn’t think that would been better in any way, only worse. So… Maybe it was better that they’d chickened out and waited.

Vesper couldn’t help but smile as his gaze fell on their entwined fingers. He tightened his fingers gently, then pulled her hand to his lips, brushing a soft kiss against the back of her hand. “Perfect. The art queen and the rockstar dork, it’s like a real life fairy tale. I didn’t say anything back then, so how would you have known?” He said as he pulled his head back to give her a small, almost shy, very Victor Monroe-like smile. “But there were times where I was just sitting there with you, while doing nothing and wanted to blurt it out. Times when I’d sing a song, hand chosen for it’s lyrics in hopes you’d catch the hint. Points where we were so close it almost killed me to not move a little closer and kiss you…” He murmured, lowering his gaze to their hand with a widening smile.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

“Because it's a very different thing.” She answered. Then again.. it was something that accompanied both of their personalities and that set them apart from others, whether they really liked it or not. But who wanted to say that they were stubborn as a mule? Yeah, that was attractive.. At least being bitter.. now that was something about character. Meant that you've been through things, making the person a bit of a mystery.. or something like that. Stubborn just meant that you were a tad more bitchier than other people. “Vesper, you've always been a dork and you will always be a dork. Regardless if you are mine or not.. but you are indeed mine, though it changes nothing.” She teased him. “Don't feel bad about it though, it's not like I'm any better anyways,” She said in an attempt to make sure he didn't feel offended in any way. Though she hoped that he always thought she did it in a caring and loving way. She would never intentionally say something to hurt him, she may have tried when she was angry but even then she still didn't mean a bit of it, she loved him too much to try and hurt him. She'd already ruined various things for him, a relationship he couldn't get out of without feeling like a dick wasn't going to be a thing he needed to think about. She'd already been tip-toeing through the whole relationship but now that things were getting more sensitive she figured that she would want to keep her mouth shut more often. Nothing wrong with a nod and a smile. It was a lady-like thing of course and that was always something Sabina made sure to watch out for, proof that she had learned at least one thing from her mother..

She had never really seen his fame as something she could take advantage of. There was nothing that she needed if for. If it all, she kind of disliked it. She wanted him to continue on with his career and she would be persistent, bitch and bitch until he was out on the road again. A child wasn't going to be slowing either of them down anytime soon. Sure, it would take a little time to get used to, but they'd work that out. How excited would their kid be to say that his their father was one of the hottest pop icons of a generation. “We don't really need many of those perks, at least I don't. And I don't care what people say, it's me and you. If we cared about what they said we wouldn't be here right now. I don't know about you, but I'm actually starting to like it around here. It's nice, though it helps that you're here. Probably the best part,”

Sabina couldn't agree more as he compared everything to a real life fairy tale. It was.. sort of. Though she really was no art queen, not even close. Though she did think of him as her prince.. he made her happy, and was her first love. True love, at least on her part. Never once had she felt this way for any other man, only and always him. Okay, so her mind was a lot more sappier than she was but it was true. How else would anyone explain it? They were merely in each others arms and it felts like the greatest thing ever to her. Of course it was like he was her prince. “I'm no queen, and you're more of a Prince Charming if you ask me. And no, you can't argue with that,” She said, with a slight smirk. She didn't want him to shoot it down because it was correct for her. He could think and say what he wanted but it wasn't going to change her opinion. And he said her stubbornness wasn't a bad thing, how wrong was he?

“You did all that? Come on Vesper, I'm like the most blind person on the planet. You literally need to scream things in my face to even begin getting the point across to me..” she said, in a mock pissed tone. She couldn't being to explain how much she would have just loved to cut the bullshit that they went through, no playing games with each others feelings without even having the slightest clue about it. “But it was really sweet,” she said, moving their laced hands and placing his on her belly, in hopes of feeling the slightest bit of movement.

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; was that as painful to read as it was to write?
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

He’d never liked being called a dork. Of course he eventually stopped really caring, so the people that had called him that moved on to bigger and better names. But he’d never once minded that Sabina called him a dork. Why? Because she wasn’t being mean, she was teasing him and he’d never really minded that. Of course, there was always the fact she said that he was her dork, and that only just helped to make it not so bad. He absolutely adored the simple statement of ‘but you’re my dork’. There was something about that sentence that made him feel like a prized pet, something favoured above all others. “I may not always be a dork…I could grow out of it, just like my horse ears,” He informed her, referring to a time when he’d been told he had rather large ears. His mother had always said they were adorable, Vesper had never agreed with her. “And to being yours? I wouldn’t have it any other way. For as long as you want me, I’m entirely yours,” He told her, leaning forward to brush a soft kiss against her temple. He meant that, he truly did. He’d never been happier to hold someone in his arms, but the minute she made it sound as though she wanted out he wouldn’t stop her. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but on the chance it did, he wouldn’t try and haul her back in or try and stop her. He wasn’t exactly perfect, but he was trying and he hoped she realized that.

He couldn’t help but let a smile cross his features at her words. Perhaps they didn’t need the perks, or she didn’t. He’d walked out on his parents, those perks were certainly helping him. Though she did have a point, if he’d listened to everyone else he’d never of even stuck around her in high school. But he didn’t listen to them, and wasn’t about to start now. “It’s alright I guess… I still miss a Starbucks nearby.” He replied, letting out a chuckle before continuing “And you’re wrong, it’s not just you and me, or me and you. There’s one other littler person of importance… Or will be.” He sad quietly. Wasn’t that the truth. If it had been just him and her, they wouldn’t be there. They’d be cuddling in his New York home, or he’d have dragged her on the Europe leg of his tour, let her see Paris. Of course he didn’t give a reply to the fact she said he was the best part of being there. He was too modest, though the knew it was probably the truth. It wasn’t like Sabina had been getting out a lot, meeting friends and stuff. He was sure she talked to some people, but she wasn’t as social as him… Which was funny considering it’d been the other way before, Miss. Popular and Mr. Dork.

Prince Charming? He definitely didn’t think he was a Prince Charming, and he meant to argue but even as he opened his mouth to do so, she told him he wasn’t allowed to argue. He smirked and rolled his eyes a little. He didn’t argue, even if Prince Charming was the last thing he thought he’d be. Now her being blind… “I think we were both a little blind back then… You had to scream it via chatroom to get it through my thick skull. Now that was sweet…” He said, his voice fading to a murmur as she placed his hand on her belly. At first he felt a prick of uneasiness; he hadn’t really been all hands-on about the whole belly thing. He saw on T.V and stuff that most fathers couldn’t seem to keep their hands off the belly bump. Him? It was like he was afraid to touch it, that touching it was one more slap in the face that he’d screwed up, that it was really happening. But he didn’t pull away either. He’d told her that he was going to try a different approach, told himself that he was going to make an effort. So he let his hand rest there gently, despite the slight tension that took over his shoulders.

“I thought the kicking didn’t start until next week,” He said quietly. He didn’t feel anything, but he made the assumption that she wanted him to feel something. For a few moments there, he’d completely forgotten why they were there, that there was an issue-no, wrong word…- that had caused so much change. It wasn’t until he’d mentioned him or her that he had indeed remembered and been brought back from their misty-eyed cuddling to reality. A reality that was all too much different from what he was used to. He didn’t know how he was going to manage it all, raising a kid had made his mother quit her job… She’d never quite been the same since letting go of the symphony. Would he be the same way? If he was kicked out or forced to leave Sum Fusion, he knew he’d be crushed for a while. Sum Fusion had been his savoir, his rock, his life for the past nearly four years. His thoughts shut off instantly as a small movement against his palm caught his attention. His eyes snapped down, one brow raised as his heart gave a slightly off thump of surprise.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina chuckled as he mentioned his ears, remembering how she used to tease him about them but was never serious about it, seeing it as something that only she was allowed to mess with. Why? Because she wasn't doing it to be cruel. Back in school she wasn't exactly knowing for being intimidating but she made sure that people knew not to go on mess with him. Did people take her serious? No, of course not. “I love you Vesper. I really will never get tired of saying that. And I will mean it every single time, I love you for being mine. I love you for staying with me, I love you for being exactly how you are. I could go on if you'd like,” She said with a smile, very serious about listing off plenty more reasons for why she loved him.

That was one thing she really did miss, everything being close by and with in reach. Though somethings were still farther than others but still unlike this town. Everything was so spread apart and bare that it was hard to get used to. She still missed the small acrylics shop just a block away from her loft and even when she moved in with Mikayla it was still close by. Everything was with in reach. Except for Vesper when he went back to his rock star life. Now here it was the complete obvious. All she had was Vesper and it made up for everything else. “I do miss a close by coffee shop. The cafe doesn't make up for the lack of Starbucks. You know, what if we went back to New York for a few days. Just to get reacquainted. Not for long, just enough to get over the home sickness,” she suggested, not sure if he would go for the idea or not. Though she wanted to go and if she at least got an okay from him, but didn't want to go, she would go on her own. Yes, definitely stubborn. “Yeah, of course. One more completes a family, right?” she said, still slightly uneasy about how they were soon to be a family. Mother, father, child. Just missing a few things that actually did tie them as a family. Stability? Marriage? Confidence?

“Yeah, that was so adorable. And public, yeah.. that was, excellent. I didn't mean to just throw that at you in the wake of trying to fix our friendship. I've never had that great of timing.” She said, trying to carry on the conversation as his voice faded away. She knew the reason why and really didn't want to say anything about her. He could have moved it if he wanted to, though she couldn't promise that it wouldn't sting. Sabina would understand if he still wasn't really comfortable with the baby, let alone the baby bump. It was a bit selfish to want things to want everything to be smooth and have it all be nice and sweet as it was on television and all that media that glorified pregnancy. It definitely was not that way with them. After all they weren't even close to comfortable yet and it was already after four month. Almost to half term and they could barely even talk about it.

“That's the estimated time line. It's what they use to see if the baby is developing on time, too late or really early. Nothing is for sure since every baby is just a little bit different.” she explained, hoping to make him less tense. She could always see those things. Even if it was just slight. Though it was kind of hard to tell what he was thinking when he was never around. Only one thing usually came to mind. He didn't want to be there, he didn't want this baby and he didn't want to be around her and her bump. If that was true? She wasn't sure, after all, they were as close as they had been for a while and he hadn't seemed to be bothered by it. Not until now. Sabina opened her mouth to keep everything move along, though the only thing that did come out was sharp breath when the felt the movement. “He kicked.. I mean the baby kicked. Vesper did you feel that?” She asked him, practically beaming about the small little movement that made her forget about everything else.

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; bah.~
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Vesper couldn’t help but give a soft smile to her words. How could he not feel that warmth through his chest at being told how much she loved him? He chuckled a little, giving his head a slow shake. “You don’t have to go on; I think I get what you’re saying, funnily enough. And just so you know, I never tire of hearing those three words come from your mouth.” He told her gently then frowned a little. “One thing though, me staying? I promised you when I took you to Nassau that I wasn’t leaving again. We both knew that what I do does involve me going away, but I promised that I wouldn’t leave fully again. That didn’t change when we uh… When I… You didn’t think I’d leave, did you?” He asked her quietly, his shoulders stiffening a little. If there was one thing he’d never do, it was leave behind a pregnant girlfriend. He knew what it was like to grow up, wondering how and why one parent didn’t want you. He remembered his first father’s day in preschool, where he hadn’t known what to do. He didn’t have a Dad, he’d been in tears. He couldn’t put a kid through that while he gallivanted around the globe. He wasn’t that kind of guy, he couldn’t leave someone behind. After the damage he’d figured out it could cause, it wasn’t worth it. And the fact it was Sabina only made the thoughts more firm.

Homesick… Did he really consider himself homesick? He figured that all depended on what someone thought being homesick was. He didn’t miss the people in New York all that much, there were a few exceptions, but for the most part it was simply the city itself. Wasn’t being homesick missing your friends and family? He didn’t know for sure, and wasn’t about to ask and feel like an idiot. “If we go back to New York, I have to go see my parents… And you should too,” Was all he said. He wasn’t fully against a visit back home, but he knew if he went back he had to settle things with his mother. He had no interest in seeing his father, but he had to face his mother head-on and lay down everything. He was going to do it his way, what happened, happened and yelling at him couldn’t change that. Family. Sure didn’t feel like one, despite the fact it was sort of true. He’d always expected a few other things when he had a family… To be retired from Sum Fusion, to be married, to be living in New York… So much for that plan… “Yeah. A family.” He agreed slowly. Technically they were going to be a family… But it was a weird thing to think about. He hadn’t been expecting his own family for a while…

No… Her timing had been a little awkward. And her exclamation had definitely caught him off guard. He wouldn’t have expected it before he left nevermid after three years after the fact. It still astounded him that she’d liked him all those years. He gave a smile, and let out a small laugh. “If it’s an consolation, I really don’t mind that you told me… Even if you did it in a bad time, in a… Er… Interesting way,” He assured her. He didn’t want to say it, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have told her that he wanted more than friendship if she hadn’t made her feelings known. He didn’t want to wreck their fragile friendship at the time… And even if she had said yes, he didn’t want to claim her as his then ditch for a tour and leave her behind. That hadn’t worked before, and though he trusted Sabina with his life… It hadn’t been a pleasant thought. The last time he’d tried that, it really hadn’t worked out, he hadn’t been around enough. He didn’t want a repeat, he didn’t want to lead her on though either…

Every baby was different… he really should have seen that coming. Then again, what did he know? His last ‘child’ had been turned into cookies. He wasn’t sure if the kick was unsettling or not. It was like a punch in the face, ‘BAM I’M HERE’…. If it was unsettling, his body wasn’t really reacting the way it should have. Rather than jerk back in surprise, he didn’t move except to let a smile cross his features. He turned his face to look at hers, which he noted was absolutely blinding him with a beaming grin. His smile widened without his trying, her smile made him smile. She really was excited about the baby… “He?” He said quietly, “Of course I felt it.” He added, giving a laugh. His heart was thumping a little faster than normal, was he actually excited? He wasn’t sure, but that little kick had set his nervous system aflame. “How could I not? Kid’s got better timing than you…” he added, grinning as he leaned in to press a soft kiss against her lips.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina lowered her head back to their hands as he asked his question. Did she think that he was going to leave back then? Honestly, yes. She really did. Back then she just wanted to enjoy him being there and not focus on the fact that he would leave soon, back to his career and the life style that he earned and her accustomed to. But when she found out about the pregnancy, she took it upon herself to make the decisions and what was to happen. Did she even think about including his say in the matter? No, why? Because she was sure that he would be on his way back any time soon and then being thrown the whole 'Yes, I'm pregnant and it's yours..' wasn't exactly what she was going for. She had been scared, and she still was. But that had been settled when she knew Vesper wasn't going to leave. But she had been sure that this would have only made him go back to Los Angeles faster. In fact, she had not even planned on telling him, letting him go back to California with a clue seemed like a good idea at the moment.

More like stupid and senseless now that she thought of it... What was she supposed to do when he came back? Present him with a son or daughter and inform him on what he had missed since he was gone. That didn't seem like that good of an idea. Definitely not.. “I.. I didn't think that you would really stay. I knew you were going to leave eventually, it was the coming back that I was worried about. I wasn't even planning to tell you about the baby but you sort of figured it out on your own..” She said quietly. Sabina sighed, looking up at the white ceiling, wondering what was going on in his head. “I just didn't think that it was what you needed at the time. I didn't want anything holding you back from going back to making music. I know that's not a very good excuse.” In a way, she had been trying to protect Vesper. No hiding things from paparazzi and leaving New York like they had no other choice but to go hide in the middle of nowhere. The only thing she really had in mind was his image and his career. She could always pick up her art from when she left off but music was more complicated than that.

Of course he would bring up her parents.. Really, she didn't want to tell them. Not just that she was pregnant. She just didn't want to talk to her parents. What would be the use of that? Having them bitch her out because of her situation and how irresponsible she was? She would pass on that. It wasn't like they were going to be the least bit helpful. Why torture herself with that? Maybe she was being over dramatic or perhaps she was actually on the right track but she didn't want to see them and odds of the feelings were mutual, were probably very, very high. “Well.. I can't promise that I will. And it's technically not going back if we're not going back to stay.” She said to him. The thought of family was still foreign to her. She really didn't want them to end up like her own parents, nor did she see that happening. If they were this worrisome before the baby was born, it would probably only escalate once they were able to hold him or her.

Sabina was sure that they would be fine, but it was still the fact that they were so young and could barely take care of themselves. They came toe to toe once in a while, but she didn't want their child to think that they were too busy with their own petty problems to keep their attention on him or her. “Yeah.. He. I'm not sure if it's a girl or boy. I just think it's better to predict a gender than to refer to it as him or her all the time. Like JuneBug, it works fine for a boy or girl,” She explained. Sabina pulled away from the kiss, a grin spread on her face. “Yeah, well.. at least one of us has good timing. Sadly, it's the one who isn't even born yet,”

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Vesper felt Sabina’s words sting. For one, the fact she didn’t think he’d stay made him uncomfortable. Not that he exactly blamed her for having felt that way, but the lack of confidence in him did hurt. But the fact she was planning to hide the baby until he came back from the tour he was supposed to be on and found out? He wasn’t stupid, even if he had gone on tour and come back, he’d know that the baby’s age would have made him the father. At that point, he was pretty damn sure he was the only guy around Sabina, considering he was pretty sure Nassau was where everything went down. She was right in a way, it was holding him back. The press, the whole baby issue was keeping him from hopping right back where he left off… But that didn’t mean he felt that it was a decent excuse for considering not telling him about his own kid. He didn’t know what to say to her, didn’t know what he could say. Was he angry? A little, but more so disappointed and shameful. He’d brought her lack of faith upon himself by leaving the first time. Even telling himself that didn’t make him feel any better. Of course he tried to comfort the sting by telling himself that she’d only had him in mind, but it really didn’t help.

“You weren’t going to tell me…?” He repeated slowly, keeping his vocal tone level, though a hint of anger laced his voice. He decided that was what was the worst, that she’d planned on keeping that rather important information from him. “Did you think I’d come back from touring and not really figure it out? I’m not an idiot Sabina. I made a mess, I made a mistake and we’re dealing with the consequences now, the guilt would have killed me to come back and found out I left you behind carrying my child to deal with it on your own. How could you consider lying to me about that? My music isn’t more important than you, or that baby.” He added, lowering his gaze to the bed beneath them with a frown. He wondered if she’d even believe that… He’d left her behind once before for music, what was to say he wouldn’t have done it again? Heck, most guys in his position would have booked it back to L.A. the minute the word ‘pregnant’ sprung up. He knew his band mates would have in his position. But he wasn’t them, he wasn’t running from his problems.

Vesper understood parental problems. He really did… More so than a lot of people did. But he didn’t understand how Sabina figured she could go through this and not tell her parents. Was she planning on just bumping into her mom a year from now with a one year old in tow, ‘Oh, by the way Mom. You’re a grandmother.’ He couldn’t force her to tell anyone though, they weren’t his parents, nor his in-laws… So it was all up to Sabina to decide what to do. Whether that was keeping it hidden or now. “I know you can’t promise that… But they really should know, Sab.” He said simply. He wasn’t going to argue the fact. It wasn’t exactly like he was pleased at the thought of seeing his parents. He knew his mother was going to harp and yell at him, scold him and tell him how stupid he was… He wasn’t planning on seeing his father, but didn’t know what would happen on the off chance he did see him. All in all? He didn’t blame Sabina at all for not wanting to bother telling her parents. “I mean, are you just not going to tell them? Let them find out when the press finally figures all this out. You’d rather them see it on the front cover of a magazine at the grocery store, then from you?” He asked slowly, raising a brow.

“Well… If JuneBug has this sort of good timing now, I can’t wait to see how good the timing is a few months from now,” He said, grinning as he let his forehead rest gently against hers. The little adrenaline burst from the kick was fading already, though there was still something in his head that kept him smiling. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he figured it was something instinctual. “I’m sorry… If I haven’t been the glowing, future father most would expect. I’m still scared shitless about this whole thing, but I want you to make sure you realize I’m here for both of you, that I’ll do whatever you need, that’ll I try and be more fatherly if that’s what you want...” He told her, turning his grin into a softer, more serious smile. “I love you. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you know that.” He added quietly, reaching up with a hand to brush his fingers gently through her vibrant locks.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

If it was one thing that Sabina knew, it was that she had definitely hit a nerve, and a sore one at that. If he was to get angry with her, she couldn't say that she didn't deserve it. She had been planning to keep something so important from him. Either way it wouldn't have mattered. People knew who she was already. Sadly, not for her paintings but for being the mystery redhead in Nassau to Vesper Monroe's girlfriend. If she thought it was bad when they were close to each other, no doubt the media would be all around when Vesper went back to tour. Was she with anyone else, was she cheating on pop rock's golden boy? It was safe to say that she hated the media before she was even in it. She wanted to apologize.. only because it was a habit. She didn't think she needed to apologize for what didn't happen. She hadn't kept it from him and she had told him of the possibility of it. Though what he had said made her wish that she wouldn't have. If what she said stung him then she had no idea how much that was mutual.

Yes, she felt terrible, she felt like a bitch and that she had no right to do that. But she had done nothing wrong in the end. They were here, together and he knew everything. “How can you say that? This is not a mess and it definitely is not a mistake. And this is not a consequences. Being here is not a bad thing. I wouldn't have told you because I was trying to protect you and your career. You would be on tour and not here.” She said, knowing very well that nothing would really justify it. But there was nothing to justify. He knew everything and it wasn't like she had ever held anything back from him. “Listen Vesper, I'm sorry that I wasn't going to tell you. But I did.. and I really didn't mean to have hurt you if it did.. But could he really blame her for feeling the way she did? He had left her once and dropped contact with her for three very long years that almost killed her until rehab came into play. Who was to say that it wouldn't have been the same? Right, the baby. It wasn't the same at all. They were together, he had told her that he loved her. Maybe she wasn't giving him enough credit..

“I just don't see the reason to tell them. They weren't even good parents to me, what makes you think that they are going to be keen on the idea of grandparents? They aren't going to make some huge turn around just because their twenty year old, unwed daughter is almost five months pregnant. That's not like them,” She said to him. It was the truth after all. If she were to get any reaction at all it would be a terrible one, she could still remember the threats that her mother and friends used to joke about if their daughters were in this situation. Abortion, giving the baby up for adoption or send the poor girl away. She didn't want that at all... So yeah, maybe letting her parents find out through some stupid magazine was better. They wouldn't believe it. Hell, she wasn't even sure if they believed that she was in a relationship with Vesper. For all they knew, they probably thought she was still in that dinky loft. “It's just not a good time Ves.. they'll make me give up the baby.. It's just better to think it's just some gossip story on a magazine, believe me. I will deal with the consequences when it comes to that time. Now isn't the time.” She said.

Sabina was surprised that he had chosen to actually pick up the nick name for the baby and not make fun of it like she thought he would. “You like the name and here I thought you thought it was ridiculous. I have yet to figure out of that good timing thing is bad or not” she said with a small laugh. “I understand that you're scared, so am I.. but I don't think we need to be scared. What is going to happen, will happen. Why be scared of something that we already know about? All I need, is for you to be here with me, not twenty four seven as you may think and don't even worry about the fatherly part yet.. we've got plenty of time to learn to be parents even though it may not seem like it. We're going to be just fine, I know it,”. Sabina pressed her lips against his softly, pulling away only to repeat the kiss again. “I know that you love me, just by being right here with me even though you may have plenty of other things you thought you would be doing today.. We should do this more often, helps to get a ton of things off our chests. Plus, I like you being here and telling me that you love me,”

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Protecting his career. That was all she was concerned about back when she first found out? Sure, his career wasn’t last on his mind. But he definitely held a few things ahead of it, and Sabina was definitely one of them. Maybe he was overreacting… She had told him after all, he was there with her, and he’d just felt the –his- baby kick. He wasn’t away in some other country, playing for fans. Again, he hadn’t really proven to be all that trustworthy in the past. He’d dropped the ball once before, who was to say he wouldn’t do it again. He’d promised, swore up and down that he was there to stay. But in the end, words were just words without proof. He didn’t agree with a few things though. It wasn’t a mess? It wasn’t a mistake? It wasn’t a consequence? He had to disagree. He could have avoided this, all it would have taken was a little self control and patience. No, instead he’d ploughed ahead with the romance and look where it got them. How did she not think it was a mistake? They hadn’t planned this, hadn’t wanted it (at least he hadn’t)…. As far as he was concerned, this was reality telling him to keep it in his pants. Telling him, not to complain about what he was given, because in one heartbeat it can all change. He wasn’t sure what her opinion was really, but he made the wise decision not to ask.

“I’m sorry, Sab. I’m just… Overreacting. You told me about the baby, we’re here together and that’s all that matters. I’m sorry I took it as a personal hit. I let you down once before and you didn’t cope well… I can understand why you were worried… I can understand that you were only looking at what was best for me. I’m glad you told me, even if it’s messing up my lame career. The choice you made was the best for someone else, I promise.” He told her gently, shaking his head, brushing the back of his fingers gently against her belly. It was a strange thing for him to do, but he pushed it aside for Sabina, what better way to show what he meant? He was overreacting, that was it. Everything was fine; there was no need to freak out about something that didn’t happen. “No sense crying over spilled milk… Or milk that was never actually spilled. And if I may be as bold to say… Just so you know, this afternoon, right here with you? It’s far better than any tour, in any country.” He said, giving her a soft smile, as if to try and prove what he was saying was true.

Okay… So when she argued her parents that way, Vesper couldn’t help but agree with her. He hadn’t known Mr. and Mrs. Hentges well. They tended to hang around his house, more than hers. His father had never raised his voice while she was there, and she seemed to enjoy herself, so it really was a win-win situation. Twenty year old, unwed daughter. The line rang in his head, causing another swell of guilt. She hadn’t been very homely with her parents to start… Way to just make it worse. He was getting awful good at making things better for people, only to make it worse. Gave Sabina a true friend… Then ditched her. Came back only to fight. Gave her the relationship she’d always wanted… And knocked her up. Maybe it was just Sabina he ruined things for… “Okay, I get it. I won’t bring it up again.” He told her, shaking his head. If he’d ever hoped to impress her parents and get on their good side, that was out. If anything he just lost Sabina her inheritance… At least from what he knew of her parents. Maybe you’re exaggerating… He thought to himself. “It’s not my business who you tell, and I certainly don’t want you to do something you’re so against,”

He did still think the nickname was ridiculous… But he wasn’t about to say so. He liked his head attached to his body. Her words didn’t help to relax the part of him that was still scared. Sure, he knew the basics of what was going to happen, but was he ready for it? He hadn’t held a baby in six years. Nevermind actually care for one, especially without a parental guide to teach him. She was right; he had eighteen years to learn how to be a parent… But that didn’t help calm him either. Before he could fumble a reply, he found her lips against his. He felt some of the tension in his shoulders melt away, and felt the familiar squirm of his stomach. He wouldn’t call it butterflies, that was too feminine. All he knew was that her kisses never got old. She pulled away, and before he could reply, was again distracted by a kiss. “We can do this every afternoon if you want, just so I can tell you how much I love you… Though I can still do that today.” He murmured, not really even considering the thought before speaking. His heart was thumping happily against his ribs and he really was up to spending every afternoon just sitting with Sabina. “I love you,” He murmured, pressing a soft kiss against her lips. He smiled and pulled back, brushing a trail of feather-light kisses along her jaw, repeating the words between each kiss. “I love you…” He said quietly before pressing another kiss against her neck. He pulled back to rest his forehead against hers again, smiling softly at her, keeping his gaze fixed on hers, “Sabina Hentges, I may be in love with you,” He said, reaching up to brush the back of his fingers against her cheek gently.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Sabina didn't think that he was overreacting. Actually, he probable had all reason to act the way that he did. If she hadn't told him then he'd be off somewhere getting ready for a concert instead of here with her and knowledge that in about five months time he was going to be a father. If she thought she felt betrayed when Mikayla never told her about Jackson, then she couldn't even imagine how bad Vesper would have felt if he was to come back and meet his first child for the very first time. Oh, and when he was not even aware that his girlfriend was pregnant because she had been a selfish idiot with the thought that she was being selfless. Yeah, that probably summed it up. If it was one thing that Sabina wished would never be brought back up.. it was rehab. How she didn't cope well, how everything went to shambles because she couldn't take him leaving. Words couldn't explain how sick and tired she was of that being throw in her face. Usually always from him or her parents. But since she was always with him, it seemed to be more often from his part. Since it was a rare occasion that she picked up a call from her parents. She knew what had happened, she was well aware of it since she had been the one to go through it. And she rarely touched a drink and never went to a party since then. So why was she constantly reminded that she was in rehab and in a bad point in her short life?

Sabina pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to make the moment turn more sour than it was already starting to get. She just wanted to sit there with him. They could have sat there in silence for all she really cared. It was great to be with him again, even though she had been for the past couple of months. Though this was different. They cuddled and finally got things off of their chests that they had been meaning to do but never had the reason to. Did they really need a reason to? No, not really. But it felt as though things were just better to keep to themselves. Especially knowing how often they could spark up a fight out of nothing. How things were calm there was beyond her, but she was grateful for it. “But don't you miss playing concerts and seeing all your fans and being constantly on the move?” she asked, choosing to not answer to everything else. It was fine where it was at. It hadn't gotten to the point of accusations and screaming and yelling. Yeah, that was where it was to end. If he wanted to bring it up again, she's just ignore it.. again. Why? Because there was no room for fighting. Not on their day together. Any other day where he felt he could slam a door and leave, fine. Just not now..

Though it was something that Sabina would never admit. She sort of missed her parents... Not being with them, but at least the rare calls from her father, even though they lasted just minutes was enough to get her through the next month. She may have had a huge dislike for her parents but that still didn't mean that she wasn't Daddy's little girl every once in a blue moon. But she couldn't tell them about the baby.. not yet at least. Honestly, she was scared to tell them. Just her mom actually, probably because she knew very well of the reaction that she was going to get. Screaming about how this would be the second time she had screwed herself up and how idiotic she was. Back before all this, if she did anything even midly stupid, she'd have to put the phone down and here the small voice through the phone until she got hung up on. There was no point in trying to fight with her.. of course that was a trait that she had gotten from her. Sabina would just keep going on and on and on until you just didn't want to argue with her anymore.. Of course it only made her feel a bit worse when he shook his head. Meant he was probably dissapointed in her or something... “I'll tell them.. I promise. I just need to figure out what to say to them, how you tell your parents?” she asked, hoping the get an idea on how to break the news to her parents.

How she would love to sit in bed with him every afternoon just saying how much they love each other. For some reason, she could see it never getting boring. They could do it a million times and repeat the same reasons over and over again. But she could never get tired of hearing him say them or being with him. But being told that he was in love with her made it that much more true. They had only usually said that they loved each other, but never in love. Was she in love with him? Of course she was, she may have not just admitted it out loud. After all, she had fallen hard and very fast for him and she hadn't known how he felt about her for a long time after that. “Vesper Monroe, I am in love with you,” She said simply, looking into her favorite pair of hazel eyes.

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

Did he miss being on tour? Definitely. He loved touring, it was by far the best part if his career, jumping all over the country and world, just to play for screaming fans. He’d seen so much, experienced so much while on tour that it was something he’d always remember. But whether he missed it or not was irrelevant to him. He was sure Sabina missed painting, missed New York but did that mean thye could just drop everything and do what she wanted? He wished. He had a bigger responsibility to handle and that taking care of his unborn baby and it’s mother. He had to take care of Sabina, despite the fact she said she could handle herself, and had been taking care of herself he wasn’t about to let her do this on her own. It took two to tango, so it would take two to deal with the results. And honestly, he was sure if he was touring at that moment, he wouldn’t have been completely happy. He knew if at that very moment he was somewhere, getting ready for another show he’d be missing her. For the fans? Well, he didn’t know any of them personally and at times they actually scared him. He loved them, and definitely wouldn’t be anything without them… But given the choice between having them swoon at his feet and having Sabina in his arms, he’d gladly take the latter. He didn’t miss that she seemed to not reply to the rest of what he said, but didn’t pry, he knew how well prying for answers worked with Sabina… It usually ended in a fight. He didn’t want to fight at that moment, he was fine with letting the topic slide, if just for then.

“I do miss all that. I miss playing for my fans, and I miss being on the road with nothing to worry about except my next show. But sitting here, with the girl I love in my arms is far better than any concert I’ve ever played. Why is it so difficult for you to believe that I’m happier being with you, then when I’m off with Sum Fusion,” He asked her. He knew why. Of course she felt that way… He’d left once before, dropped her for the fame and lights. “Unless you probably don’t believe that, because of when I left before. I was stupid, I was young, and I was blinded by the fame. I made a huge mistake and you suffered for it. I did too, but never tried to make up for it because I thought it was better not to. But that changed. You will never take a place behind my career again. Your friendship, what we have right now and our baby are more important to me than anything that has to do with my band,” he said quietly, tightening his arm around her slightly. The words almost caught in his throat, the words ‘our baby’ definitely got caught a little. He still was having issues admitting to it, and that was bugging him.

Well… At least she agreed to telling them eventually. So Vesper had managed to get somewhere with her. He wondered really, if she could ever be with anyone else… She was so stubborn and set in her ways he doubted a lot of people would put up with it. Him? He’d gotten used to it and almost found it endearing. It was so very Sabina, and he really wouldn’t have her any other way. That didn’t mean at some points he didn’t wish she was less stubborn, because he did. Like this thing about not telling her parents… He saw why, he understood but knew that she should really tell them. But he couldn’t be bothered to argue about it anymore, when Sabina argued, you could rarely get any ground. The fact she’d tell them eventually was a win, so he took it. “How’d I tell my folks? Well… To start I sort of just went for it. I mean, I didn’t plan ahead, I just sort of picked up the phone and called. My Dad answered, but I asked for my Mom, I figured she was the one to tell because I was closer to her. I didn’t try and soften her up ahead of time, I just told her I had to tell her something and spat it out. “Mom, Sabina’s pregnant and it’s mine,” that was about it. I guess I could have beat around the bush, but I figured it’d be better to just let it out,” He told her, giving a small shrug. Of course there’d been that silence while she realized what he said. Then the explanation that it couldn’t be his, and after assuring her then rant started. How he was an idiot, how he’d ruined everything, how he’s screwed up not only his and Sabina’s life but her’s too, how he should have never gone back to New York for her…

There was something that just set his heart a few beats ahead at her words. He’d never heard her say that she was in love with him. She’d said ‘I love you’ before, but never that she was in love with him. Was he in love with her? He liked to think so… But he’d felt that way before too, and that had made him vulnerable. He’d missed key hints because he was too busy focusing on how much he cared. But Sabina was different, for one he’d always had feelings for her, and was not tied to her whether he wanted to be or not. Luckily, he didn’t mind being tied to her. He couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else and definitely loved her. He thought about if for a moment, just gazing into her eyes with a gentle smile. “Out of curiosity, how long have you been in love with me? Is it something new?” He asked her softly, barely whispering the words as he brushing his fingers against her jawline. He moved his hadn’t back and let his fingers gently curl around the back of her neck under her hair.

[/size][/center]

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

[/font]
And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

Really, Sabina just wanted there to be a way for them to do what they loved but still have the baby at the same time. To have him be recording with his band and for her to be able to paint again. Though they worked around that a bit.. It wasn't like he couldn't play music anymore. He still had his guitar and played, taught piano to some people in town. And she still could draw and had her pastels and water colors. They had to make adjustments and deal with what they had. Where they happy about it? More or less.. she couldn't complain. Not yet at least. From what she had been learning lately eventually even that would be hard to do. She still didn't understand how he liked being here with her better. Did he forget about all the low times they had? No matter what, it still outnumbered the good ones. But here he was, telling her than he loved her and he would much rather preffered to be be here with her than anywhere else. “I don't know Ves, I've heard you guys have played some pretty great concerts. How will I ever compare?” she teased, a playful grin on her face.

Sabina was partly sure that she had always been doing it for attention. Mainly his attention, even though it was practically impossible to get in touch with him. And well, eventually she just gave up, partly surprised that she just didn't delete his number and move on with her life. Why? Because part of her refused to let go. She kept hoping that he would come back, then she didn't want him to.. She didn't want him to see her in some rehab center that she had confinded herself to, spending more time there than she needed to be. After all, she didn't know what to do. She simply was just there, waiting for something that she didn't even know. That was her 'suffering'. It was nothing bad like he made it seem. “You didn't make a mistake. I'm the one who pushed and pushed for you to go ahead and jump for it. I don't blame you for a thing.” She assured him. “It's good to know that Ves.. But even after this baby, I want you to keep making music and with your band. Just because we'd have a baby doesn't mean that anything is over. Nothing has to be ahead or behind anything. It can be equal you know?”

Just let it out like that? Sabina always had to beat around the bush for her parents to even begin to get what she meant out of her mouth. She could never just be up front about it.. She was once and how dide that turn out? They were incredibly awkward around each other and just fought more than they already did. She would love to be able to just pick up the phone and say, “Mom, I'm pregnant and yes I'm keeping the baby.” She had always appeared to be a spitfire know it all, but really, she couldn't even talk to her parents about the smallest things without have a three month battle start. She had to tell them soon. This wasn't like a bad mark in a class or her credit card limit was close to exceeding because of all the supplies she had purchased. This was a baby. A human being that was considered their grandchild, whether she thought they were fit to be the baby's grandparents or not. “Just like that? And what did she say? She couldn't have been too happy about it,” she asked him, wondering what her response was... She didn't know much about Mrs. Monroe but no parent would be too jazzed about their situation and how they were handling it.

Sabina leaned into his touch, a soft smile on her face. How long was she in love with him? Well it definitely was not something new. Even back in school she thought she was in love with him. But she knew that it wasn't real love. More of a like a sibling love; but it definitely grew into more. When he was gone? She was sure it was just an infatuation with him and his band. Though she never found his band mates attractive and she didn't know them like she knew Vesper. She had told him that she loved him when she pretty much threw it in his face, leaving one last thing. Nassau. It had to be when she had fallen the hardest. Being so close to him for the first time in three years, pretty much where everything happened for them. Yeah.. everything. “I've been in love with you all along, that's all that matters right? How about you? Recent or not?” she asked, turning the question around to him without really giving him an answer. Something she usually did..

[/center][/size]

tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better..
credit; moi ^^

[mouse]

I’m not perfect but I keep trying,

[/font][/color]
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start,

I am not alive if I’m lonely, [/font][/color]
So please don’t leave,
[/center]

How was he supposed to explain how she compared to a concert. How was he supposed to argue with her about his mistakes. She obviously forgave him for utterly deserting her. She was going to soft on him; he deserved a lot less than he had. He didn’t deserve her for one, not after leaving her behind then knocking her up. She seemed excited about the baby and all, but he felt guilty. She’d deal with hell form her parents, his fans… Not to mention she now had a commitment that he’d pretty much handed to her. It took two to tango, but he couldn’t help but take the fault. He’d kissed her first. He hated thinking about what she might have to give up because of their baby. Any world travelling wouldn’t be just her, or just him. They’d have to bring a baby or child along. She said she wanted him to continue his music, but it wasn’t possible. Well, it was, but he refused to leave her behind with a baby to go globetrotting. How would that be fair at all? Besides, he didn’t want to go on a world tour and miss six months of his kid’s life… As much as that surprised him, he wanted to see the baby grow. Wanted to see if it would have curly hair like him, or green eyes like Sabina. He wasn’t an expert on babies, but knew from his mother’s darling stories that his eyes had been gray-blue when he was born and changed to hazel after a while. Apparently that was normal for babies; a lot were born with blue eyes that changed. Heck, depending on when the tour started he might miss first words, first steps… He didn’t want to miss that.

“I’m not going on tour and leaving you two behind. Sabina my band isn’t going to do country-wide tours anymore. Just global. That could be six months, can you imagine what I’d miss over that time? Or even leaving for L.A. for a while, I’m not relocating you there if you like New York… I don’t want to be the face the baby doesn’t know.” He said slowly, frowning a little. It felt weird. He had problems saying ‘our baby’ or ‘my baby’ aloud, but he was worried about missing parts of it’s life. What the hell was wrong with him? As for his mother… What was there to say? Sabina had heard part of the conversation, so he was sure she’d get some sort of idea of how she reacted. He took a moment to consider his memory of the conversation, debating whether to sugar coat the whole thing or not. He immediately decided against sugar coating it. “I’m sure from what you heard me say, that you could put the pieces together. She said I ruined my career, ruined her reputation, went against everything she taught me, screwed up your life, that I should never have kept a house in New York, that I should have never come back… He listed off, trying to sound nonchalant about it all. Truth be told, some of them he agreed with. Others he should have, but didn’t.

All along? Vesper wondered if that was the same for him. He’d liked her in high school, but always brushed the feelings aside. He hadn’t been good enough for her; he didn’t stand a chance and didn’t want to risk their friendship. Did he honestly think that because he told himself to get over it, that he did? No. Eventually they seemed to fade away, but he was pretty sure they’d always been there. Buried just under the best friend love he’d shown her. He chuckled and shrugged at her question, unsure of how to answer. He was sure he’d really fallen in Nassau, that was where he’d shown her that he wanted to try and go further than friends. He couldn’t be certain, after all, it wasn’t like a switch, it must have been gradual. “I wouldn’t say recent…” He said after his moment of thought. “But I might have been to blind to see what was in front of me. Then you opened my eyes.” He added, focusing his eyes on hers. He let his hand move down the curve of her neck, brushing his fingers along her spine to rest his against the small of her back. He leaned forward to kiss her, as if just to prove that his words were true.

-------

Vesper mumbled as he slammed the door to the washer machine shut. Of one, he never realized how much laundry one household could make. He’d never done laundry. Even in when he was a teenager, he’d tried once and nearly destroyed the machine, so his mother banned him from touching it. On his own, he’d done it at home, but for some reason his housekeeper tended to do it even if he said not to. But when was he home in New York? In L.A. his stylist kept tabs on pretty much everything he wore, whether he was just wearing it around the apartment or not. So he’d never had a real taste of needing to do it every week. It never ended. Never, ever ended. You finished it and it was back, like a cockroach. He glanced down at his watch, noting the afternoon time before heading out of their laundry room towards the kitchen. He was in nothing special clothes-wise, he was still scruffy from bed. He’d crashed and slept away most of the morning and only got up to switch the laundry and make coffee. Of course, Sabina was still asleep, but that was her normal sleeping pattern. Or so he’d noticed. He ran a hand through his messy curls, moving to the fridge. He opened it peering through his glasses at the contents before leaning right inside in hopes of finding something to sustain him.

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Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize,
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie

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And as long as I can feel you holding on,
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong. [/right]

Cred:Me || Song: Perfect, Hedley || Outfit:NEW ||Tag:Open

[sabina]

cool your beans, my son,
you look a fucking mess

When Sabina thought about him going back on tour she always thought it would be a country wide thing, never a world tour.. Just a tour that was the states would have been hard enough.. Not just because of the baby, but for the fact that she had grown so used to the fact that he was around her most of the time. Since Nassau till now they were rarely apart for that long. Six months sounded like a long time, even longer with a baby added to the mix, but she still wanted him to go, but couldn't bear to the away from him for that long. As for L.A., she really wouldn't mind it. As long as he was near by and still playing music she was pretty content with the idea of being in Los Angeles. "So what then? Sum Fusion just drops like that. No option to try and mend it together or anything? And as for L.A. if that's something you'd think would work, then we could. We can go back to New York anytime." she said.


Maybe it was better if she hadn't asked, So much for that whole, having one parent to rely on idea. It could have been worse, she she figured this was as bad as it was going to get. Things like that never happened to her, but she now learned to not take herself out of the probabilty that something bad could happen with the pregnancy, one of the things that had her the most frightened. Something could happen to the her or worse, something could happen with the baby. Pretty much one of the last things she wanted. That and both of their parents hating the mere idea of this baby and according to Vesper's description on how his mother took the news, it wasn't that far off.. Sabina simply nodded, not exactly sure what to say to that.. there was nothing she could really say about it actually. Though, despite all of it she still managed to smile as his lips pressed against hers. "Well, I'm glad that I was able to make you see that." she said.


---


Sabina crept down the stairs, her school books and computer in tow as she made her way to the living room. Yeah, she had definitely still been keeping up with school in order to graduate. She was pregnant, not stupid. Luckily, she was able to get a few strings pulled to allow her to do her classes online and out of state, all thanks to Daddy's money of course.. Not something she was too ashamed of, all she did it for was to at least say she finished college and she was merely a few weeks away from doing so. She was a bit proud of herself for figuring our how to keep herself in school. She set her things down on the sofa before heading into the kitchen. She knew most people in her situations would have just dropped out and left it at that. But she wanted to be a selling artist, so she really didn't need this.. but she figured if she was ever to tell her parents about the baby, she might as well have one good thing to say. Really, she still had no idea how she was to break the news to them. She'd promised Vesper that she would but had no idea how to start. She wasn't blunt like he was when it came to telling her parents.


She sighed as she leaned against the kitchen counter, no longer having the drive to work on her schooling. Perfect, this is how it always begins. Head would get too crowded with all these thoughts and eventually she would be giving up on her school work. Sabina smiled over at Vesper before glancing at the coffee, the aroma of the hot grinds filling the kitchen. She shook her head slightly, the baby was more important than her want for coffee. Even though she wanted it really badly, despite the afternoon hour. "We should keep decaf around," she said, reaching around him to take the orange juice from the fridge, making note that she should try to get up earlier instead of missing every morning. Though another part of her told her to cherish each minute of sleep now. She had babysat over night before, she knew how fussy they could be during the night, so rest was sort of a vital thing

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tag; vesper.
lyrics; disaster button – snow patrol
notes; meh.. coulda been better.. wayyy better.
credit; moi ^^